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The Chris Chandler Show

  • Chandler films about New Orleans

    Blood to Wine (streaming song only)

    Blood to Wine
    chandler/rockstroh
    august 96

    Christ said that wine is my blood
    this would lead one to the conclusion that the anti Christ's blood is... is
    non alcoholic - in fact I think that proves it: the anti Christ is indeed
    responsible for non alcoholic beer.

    I mean it's expensive, tastes like sh... Shaffer, you wake up the next
    morning, with all the regret, had none of the fun and...
    ... you had to drive

    yes, Jesus said the wine is my blood - he said I am the light I am the way
    he said, I am a fisher of men he said - and you see him out there on the
    boat with the disciples and you think... this sounds like a recipe for a
    tragic alcohol related boating accident

    still, some say it's salvation I'm thinkin... sounds more like happy hour to me,

    I mean, he fed the multitudes with two fish and a loaf of bread - he turned
    the water into wine - jeaze, no wonder he's got so many followers these days
    - hell I'll listen to any body as long as they're buying the drinks and it
    comes with an open buffet

    I mean when I was worshipping at the holy cathedral of the eternal last call
    I realized there must be some divinity in it because after a while,
    amazingly enough after that all the women in the congregation looked just
    like Aphrodite

    but  one the way home

    I was pulled over at the DUI road block for having too much love of the
    lord in my veins

    I reminded the cop that  Jesus had said the wine was his blood and I only
    had the two drink minimum

    but the cop said, "oh you've been hangin out with that guy - last time we
    pulled him over you should have seen his blood alcohol content we got him
    out of the car and sure he walked on water - but not in a straight line."


    chorus:

    I don't know but I'd like to find
    that in hevan you can drink wine all the time
    but I'm so broke, have pitty on me
    I can't buy a drink down in New Orleans
    So Mercy Me, Oh Mercy My
    I wanna go to hevan Lord, 'fore I die

    (personally, I've always thought they should have road block where they arrest really dull people...

    "I'm sorry sir, we'll need to hold you for a while, obviously you're going
    to bore people"

    yea, not only that, but  they should have holding tanks where they keep all the dull people through the weekend. Oh, in fact I think they already do it's called
    Starbucks.

    I can just hear hardened criminals right now going "no put me in the cell with the rapists, the murderess, but don't put me in the bore tank."

    yea, caffeine is allot like cocaine: a drug that makes dull people talk
    endlessly - about themselves, who are dull,  endlessly.

    "did I tell you the wife and I are gettin some new drapes.... yea tired of
    those white ones - hard to find a really good off white theses days - oh sure you can get the cream ones but not the off white... what is it with off white you just can't get a good off white it's like... it's like .. like caulk
    ever try to find an off white caulk?
    speaking of caulk...
    what is it with caulk guns guns...
    ya just can't get a  really good caulk gun theses days but
    hell ya just gotta try - I was in the downstairs bath the other day wife came in
    the door with the perfect caulk gun - she even helped me caulk - ya just can't find a  woman that'll help ya caulk - but that's the thing about her, no I tell ya, we  even go out and shop for caulk guns - went in to the hardware store - saw some beauties...  we're a breed a part us people that like caulk gun s might even call us ... caulk-casions (little bit of caulk humor for ya)"

    yea Christ said "no my blood is the wine... not a double iced frapacino" -

    maybe in revelations that's what they meant - I mean talk about people who were a bit jittery and under extreme sleep depravation.

    chorus:

    I don't know but I'd like to find
    that in hevan you can drink wine all the time
    but I'm so broke, have pitty on me
    I can't buy a drink down in New Orleans
    So Mercy Me, Oh Mercy My
    I wanna go to hevan Lord, 'fore I die

    It's not like you can blame them... Inthose days everybody was over wroked...

    can you imagine what God was goin through Christ  phoned him up to him
    from the cross:

    "father, why hast thou forsaken me,"

    and God gets the call.  
    overworked, tierd, thinking of a long over due vacation, amidst trying to switch to decaff:

    "alight! alright. I'll take the call-- but I got a typhoon scheduled
    for mid-afternoon in the south-Pacific  so make it brief  will ya,

    I also have a situation in the Mediterranean - some dumb kid wearing a pair of Italian made wings - held together with wax or something just crashed into the sea - there could be litigation. Folks are sayin' I should put up a warning label across the sun just to advise foolhardy kids from flying too close....

    and in the Yucatan some crazy Mexican king just tossed about ten thousand people into a volcano as a some kind of tribute to me...

    ...it was a nice gesture of course.  I was touched-- but flowers would have been nice  too.

    so as you can see I have my hand full...
    i guess now that i think about it i guess you do to...

    in truth I think I'm a bit burnt out on it all... so I'll do
    the best I can for you...

    ...maybe if you get back to me at the first of the
    week, Sunday, my slow day, I'll pencil you in for a resurrection...

    then after that let's  take a little time off, a long millennium, maybe. I been
    looking at this nice property in  Miami to retire... folks there my age...


    gosh I miss the good ol days..
    none of this new testiment micro managment stuff
    in those days one wrong glance and poof...your a pillar of salt, simpel as that.

    chorus:

    I don't know but I'd like to find
    that in hevan you can drink wine all the time
    but I'm so broke, have pitty on me
    I can't buy a drink down in New Orleans
    So Mercy Me, Oh Mercy My
    I wanna go to hevan Lord, 'fore I die


    these days... I'm working to damn hard.

    you try and support an entire universe and see if you are much fun at
    parties...

    it not like I can get away for a wild weekend  like that drunk
    brother of yours. You think you've got problems... What am I going to do about  Dionysus?
    he went and joined a twelve step program...

    I get you to tell them that your blood is the wine and they put you on a cross

    while dionysus jpins a twelve step program and talks to me about trying to be in to much control.  Somebody has to be in control, and I'm God...  I have to be a control freak -  it comes which job...
    relinquish control... He says,  who comes up with this stuff... give your to trust in a high power...
    now how in the blazing blue heavens could I do
    that...  I'm god.

    Oh, and another thing... I love these existential philosophers who keep saying I'm  dead.  I didn't die, I quit!"

    and now what are you complaining about....

    I told you I'd bring you back, and your complaining already...

    ... that's what i get  for conceiving you from a Jewish mother. the joke up here is: she pampered you-- that's why you didn't  leave home until you were thirty."

    So that's  it.  I quit.  I am silent.



    Now if we can just get man to shut up too.  I can't get no sleep with all this yakk yak yak they won't shut up.  sure I'm supposed to hear every sound - every sparrow falling.  sure I used to hear it.  it used to wake me up out of my sleep but these days I can't sleep  with all those people down at Starbucks yak yak yak - people talking about caulk - what is this caulk?"

    I try to tell em... don't be so stressed out - sure I made the beans - but  I made hemlock too.

    most of the ambasadors I've sent down have basicly said, "quit your job,  take a drink, be nice to each other - I told you to tell them the wine is my blood  then they put you up on the cross - next thing I know everybody's wearing some model of that cross around  there neck - nobody wants to take a drink - and nobody wants to take the day off.

    the wine is my blood, take a drink relax, take a day off take a millennium
    off, the wine is my blood if we don't want to be too fundamentalist here -
    a nice umbrella drink is good too