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The Chris Chandler Show

  • A funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Abyss # 98.5 1/2

    A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Abyss

    (a fable in E sharp)
    by Chris Chandler and Phil Rockstroh

    There is a fact that is widely known

    that fossil fuels have destroyed the ozone.

    If you think about it, it is weird to think

    that dinosaurs will make us extinct.

    As we shuffle off this mortal coil

    a new dominate species will emerge from the primordial soil.

    Next on the evolutionary chain

    scientist think it will be cockroaches that grow a forebrain.

    Our human egos this might vex

    That we like the once mighty tryrantasaurus rex.

    through natures ironic forces

    will wind up as statues on some bug's goofy golf courses.

    Yes, it is a fact that it is nature's way:

    our flesh was once primordial clay.

    We have dumped so much plastic into the dirt

    that the futures grass came up as Astroturf,

    so many fluorocarbons into the ozone

    that the clouds became Styrofoam.

    Next came blooming fields of dacron/polyester and living aluminum trees

    And miles of Nutrasweet granular coast line lapped by diet soda seas.

    Yes, indeed it was a land were silicon-based mutants drank non-dairy creamer milked from roaming pit group herds of nagahide cows

    And a vynal bacon sliced from bean-bag chair soughs.

    Then one day, in an obscure laboratory,

    a silicone based scientist made a discovery that filled his Tupperware heart with worry.

    He scrutinized the formula with maticulos care

    for he had found the formula for fresh country air.

    He shouted, "Eurika!" as he checked his edition.

    Then he quickly erased his chalkboard saying," That stuff will destroy our entire eco-system,

    It would turn the world into in an uninhabitable, natural place.

    What kind of fool would use science to destroy his own race.