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The Chris Chandler Show

  • Martin Luther, Classic

    Martin Luther, Classic.

    I'm in a twenty four hour truck top at the corner of Oklahoma and Missouri.  The discovery channel is flickering silently and it occurs to me that in the early '80s when cable TV became all the rage and MTV was turnin 'pop stars into soda pop stars,' something happened.

    Aunt Matilda got on the phone, 'cause kids in Oklahom' were breakin all the rules, They were showing up at school with Flock of Seagulls hair doos.  This had never happened before. I'm in a twenty four hour truck stop.  The highway drones in Oklahom'' and billboards say, you gotta see 'em.  Stop by the pony express wax  museum, is it trite to say that television is a powerful medium?

    Television is the new printing press.

    The printing press is considered to be up there where the wheel and the fig leaf once stood alone as one of mankind's major milestones.  Once the printing press was put into practical use, the first book to make the New York Times Best Seller list was The Bible. The first edition to elate the masses was translated then by a young upstart comedian, named Martin Luther.  (That's Martin Luther the original we are talking about here - Martin Luther Classic.)

    In that day, the pope was the main stay of comedy and he got all the HBO specials and at one point he was even considered to take over the Carson Spot on the Tonight show.  The one drawback, though, was his act was performed entirely in Latin.  That would have been OK, if in that day it happened that people spoke Latin.  But such was the rumor hat those that did were not exactly known for there since of Humor.

    So, the pope's way around this was to hire an entire kick line of Las Vegas Show girls, know as the crusaders.  Let me tell you, they slayed 'em dead - almost everywhere they went.  Not in our old friend Martin Luther's town.  No, Marty was a rebel.

    He had worked out a new routine in his native tongue, even translated a few of the popes old jokes to be sure people saw them for the duds they really were.  Next, as I mentioned before, he translated the entire bible.  Once people saw on a daily basis how much shit the pope was getting away with at there expense not a single Protestant has laughed since. But my point really is this:

    Television is the new printing press.

    Just as it was the printing press that tour down the Holly Roman Empire, so it will be Television that tears down the Holly Stolen Empire. NO, no, no, it's not like you're thinking.  It's not because Johnny Suburban can't tell you who the Chief Justus of the Supreme court is but can tell you who the judge on the people's court is.  It is  because once the third world can afford televisions in every home they will be reminded on a daily basis how we're living at there expense.  It'll be the last Crusade for the hit parade for  Martin Luther is alive and well and living in Mexico.

    He's got a new translation for the reformation, like 500 years ago.  They moved the Vatican to Manhattan and Pope Sony is gettin old.  He'll be at the right hand of God where he holds the remote control.  There is a new religion of capitalism, there is a sermon at the mall where Pentecostal light is shown through apostles saying thank you for shopping at Wall Mart, my name is apostle Paul.  And they teach us that if you make wise investments He shall bestow upon you the beatific light emanating from God's own home entertainment system.

    Perhaps soon the four Clydesdales of the apocalypse will be crossing over the Rio Grande in search of a going out of business sale.  Oh say can you see.  Is This Twilight's last gleaming.  and if you bought the American dream - I'd say you were dreaming.  


    Lyrics by Chris Chandler and Phil Rockstroh

    Song By Brian QTN