The Chris Chandler Show

  • The Muse and Whirled Retort 2013

    The Muse and Whireled Retort August 2013

    T.H.E. .M.U.S.E. .A.N.D. .W.H.I.R.L.E.D. .R.E.T.O.R.T.
    August 01, 2013

    My Twenty-fifth Anniversary (of being on the road.) Anthology is here! -

    I have them with me and am mailing them from the thin highways of fat America.

    You can purchase a  copy of it by clicking here: I want Chandler's New Book!

    or pasting

    OK, OK enough of the crass commercial announcements and on with...

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    T.H.E. .M.U.S.E. .A.N.D. .W.H.I.R.L.E.D. .R.E.T.O.R.T.

    August 01,  2013
    VOL XIV issue vi
    Olympia, WA

    At the Oregon Country Faire a few weeks ago someone lost a blank notebook.  It was small and red.  It spoke to me.  I put it in my pocket.  I liked the way it felt there.  I am sorry I did not turn it into lost and found or just leave it where I found it.  I am a bad person.  I know this.

    At the post office, I used the pen lying on the table and then slipped it into my pocket.  Perhaps I am responsible for the post office going broke,  I am a bad person.  I know this.

    Eventually the two met each other, and began jotting down one liners.

    Perhaps this is why I do not have a new piece for you this month.

    It has been a busy month.  (Or perhaps I am wracked with guilt.)

    I have always thought of the pen as being an antennae and the note book as being a receiver.  Now I feel like I am stealing cable television signals from an unknown universe.

    The transmission is fuzzy.

    Here is what it says.:

    All men are created equal?

    HA,,, says a lot about your definition of equality.


    Don't strive for equality   You're selling yourself short.


    I don't get all this hoopla about the government spying on people, listening to our phone calls, combing through our Facebook postings for information…

    If the government wants to know something about us – they should just ask the corporations.

    They do a much better job.

    Oh sheeze, not another optimist.

    I am a storyteller,
    I sometimes mistake my imagination for my memory.

    I wonder if apes think they were descended from man.

    Or if they think we are descended from them -- are there baby apes thinking, "I don't wanna grow up."

    I keep getting these social network postings that want me to pay them to help me promote my music – and I think,

    No-one ever lost a dime preying on the vanity of an artist.

    If you people don't stop singing that "Weemoah" crap you are going to wake the lion up!

    Kumbaya, Mutha Fuka

    I am glad the way things have worked out for me.. Most people do a job well and get promoted to something they can't do well where they stay forever..

    Me, I just never got the promotion – maybe that means…

    OK let's not get into that.


    I am glad  I have no talent.

    When it comes to performers – people are often saying things like – this person or that person is soooo… talented.

    I hate that word.

    Talent is over rated – lots of people are talented. I hate them.   In fact – talent is an inhibitor of success.

    Talented people think they don't have to practice or do any of the hard work to make a show happen,

    I am glad  I have no talent.

    The problem is not the concept of insurance - it is that insurance companies can pay their middle managment enough for them to buy Mc Mansions - while nurses in the hospitals can't afford apartments in the ghetto.

    They say love is better than money.

    I just wrote the credit card company to tell them I loved them.

    Maybe they knew I was lying.


    I am too open-minded to truly believe my own defense.

    I find myself looking at my accuser's arguments saying, "You know, that could be phrased in a more convincing manner."


    The concept of give and take only works if it is proportionate


    Sometimes the road less traveled is for a reason.  I know.  I have been to Alabama.

    My favorite oxymoron: The Deep South.

    I drew a picture of a bicycle on my letter head and called it my stationery bike

    I am not an actor, but I play one on TV.

    We insecure performers need the approval of our audience – and making them laugh is a way of making them show they support you – Isn't it?


    Isn't it strange that activist and pacifist are antonyms?


    Paul and I have a few more shows up here in the NW.  and at present we DO NOT have a show in Portland.  One of my favorite towns.  We have Wed August 7 open.  If you would like to host a house concert on that date - drop me a line

    Having a great time in the NW both Paul and I and Jen and I have had some terrific shows. And great visits!

    Congratulations to Anne and Harry!

    It was great to meet and rekindle with so many Vaudevile performers!
    Jen and I highly recommend the Kanaskas State Park in Washington.
    My Twenty-fifth Anniversary (of being on the road.) Anthology is here!  I have them with me and am mailing them from the thin highways of fat America.

    You can purchase a  copy of it by clicking here: I want Chandler's New Book!

    or pasting

    T.H.A.N.K. - Y.O.U.!.
    Jen Delyth, Paul Benoit, Michelle, Sean Shanahan, Lisa,  Michelle Sellers, Jarrod Kaplan, Jesse Dalton, Hendrix McCloud, Dom Mike, Alan, Grace Park and the Deer, Eleanor, Syrus, Whitney, Amy Sue, Ogdon, Zoe, My Father's Ghost, Anne Feeney, Harry and Anne, The New Old Time Chautauqua, Rev Chumleigh, Tim Furst, Stage Left, Entertainment Camp, The OCF  J.C.Athonwy, Joelle, Jolee, Tori, Joe, Paola, Brino, Ms Littlewolf, Tom Montgomery and Linda Oliver, Avotcja, Hali Hammer, Michael Johnson, Mike and Laura, Michael Sammet, Chris Parreria, The Arcata Playhouse, Jeffery Hayloff, The Enumclaw Scottish Highland Games, The Portland Highland Games, Christine Gunn and Dan,  

    Friday, August 2nd, 2013  9:00 PM
    --- Seattle

    with Paul Benoit

    Egan's Ballard Jam House

    1707 NW Market Street
    Seattle, WA 98107

    phone: 206-789-1621


    Saturday, August 3rd, 2013 Olympia

    Lee Brooks Birthday Bash! with The Brown Edition, Arielists and Sideshows

    The Eagle's Club

    805 E 4th Ave
    Olympia, WA


    Sunday, August 4th, 2013  8:00 PM --  Port Townsend, WA

    with Paul Benoit


      2231 Washington St.
    Port Townsend, WA 98368

      Monday, August 5th, 2013  8 PM -- Vashon Island, WA

    The Backbone Campaign's After Activist Training Camp Celebration

    Vashon Island Ranch Hostle

    12119 Southwest Cove RD
    Vashon, WA

    phone: 206 463 2592


    Tuesday, August 6th, 2013  7:00 PM --  Bellingham, WA

    House Concert

    The Home of Caryn Simmons

    2700 Kulshan St
    Bellingham, WA

    phone: RSVP: 360-820-2292

    a house concert - outdoors. early evening. Bring Your own chair

    Wendesday, August 7 Portland, OR

    Wanna host a house concert?
    Drop me a line is best!

    Thursday, August 8th, 2013 -- Florence, OR

    A Benefit for KXCR Florence, OR

    The Unitarian Fellowship Building

    Hwy 101 & Heceta Beach Rd
    Florence, OR

    Friday, August 9th, 2013  11:00 PM Tidewater, OR

    18th Annual Gathering of the Tribes Didjer-a-doo Festival

    In-Didj-In-US Festival

    95508 E. Five Rivers Road
    Tidewater, OR

    11:00 PM MAIN STAGE


    Saturday, August 10th, 2013  3:00 PM

    Food Stock

    Clackamas River Farm

    EAGLE Creek, OR 97022


    Saturday, August 10th, 2013  8:30 PM EUGENE, OR

    Peter Wilde Presents a Double Bill w The Frankie Hernandez Band

    Sam Bonds Garage

    407 Blair
    Eugene, OR


    phone: 431-6603


    Saturday, August 17th, 2013  7:00 PM

    MC for a vaudville extravoganza

    The Monkey House

    1638 University ave
    Berkeley, CA


    Friday, September 6th, 2013  8 PM

    House Concert for Jon Hogan and Maria Moss (Chandler Opens solo)

    The Home of Chris Chandler and Jen Delyth

    1095 R 33rd St
    Oakland, CA

    phone: 240 476 4976

    Lite refreshments provided More is always better 10-20 sliding scale.  No one turned away for lack of funds.

    updated: 8 years ago