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The Chris Chandler Show

  • The Muse and Whirled Retort 2022

    The Muse and Whirled Retort July 2022

    The Muse and Whirled Retort July 2022

    The New Album is Here!

    Hey Everybody,

    It’s that time of the month again.

    Back on schedule. Getting this news letter out on the first. The first of July. Canada Day. Anne Feeney’s birthday.

    I am back on the road again. Doing a tour for the new album! “Don’t Go Back to Sleep.”

    Yay! to celebrating together at our summer festivals again.

    Even though it’s tricky touring in the lingering pandemic.

    We were at the Kate Wolf Festival this past weekend which was so very sweet. I have left inspired.


    It was a tremendous honor to be asked by my old friend Keith Greeninger to help close Utah Phillips’ Utah-pia stage.
    Holy Cow! His energy is soulful and uplifting, and it was a hell of a show. Just what we need in our strange times.

    Utah was a monumental influence on me, and I had always wanted to play that stage. I never dreamed I would do so by closing it down at the last Kate Wolf Festival after 25 glorious years. I did not take the honor lightly.

    Here is a video of the show. Please take a look.

    Paul and I still have some open dates. We have intentionally put a week between dates in the possibility that we would need to quarantine. But if you are in the NW and wanna do a back yard concert or something, please drop me a line.
    (Sorry, no British Columbia this trip… The notion of crossing the border with the lingering pandemic is too daunting).

    ****
    OK OK onwards - here is your MUSE AND WHIRLED RETORT

    ******
    T.H.E. .M.U.S.E. .A.N.D. .W.H.I.R.L.E.D. .R.E.T.O.R.T.
    July 01, 2022
    Laytonville CA


    SEX SEX SEX

    What I want to know is why the Christian Right in this country can’t stop thinking about other peoples… genitalia.

    I mean, isn’t that how we usually define pervert? Someone who can’t stop thinking about sex sex sex.

    But that’s all these guys seem to think about.

    Ms Margorie Taylor Green, Mr Mother Tucker Carlson, could you guys please get your heads out of my pants?

    Sheeze, I had to quit going to church just so I’d stop hearing about sex all the time.

    Maybe, if you thought about it less, and did it more, you would stop being so obsessed with the subject!

    And maybe, just maybe, if you thought about it less, and did it more, you would worry less about who I can marry in this country, and worry more about who this country can kill!

    You remind me of when I was in high school. All us prepubescent boys at home alone, pulling and pawing, scrutinizing the discovery of masturbation. Fantasizing about sex sex sex.

    However, if we came across a woman that was the least bit flirtatious, we called her slut slut slut.

    That’s right.

    We shamed them. We made fun of them to the other boys. While secretly fantasizing about the very same women that by day we disparaged.

    And that’s what you are doing. Shaming us.

    So I say “shame on you!”

    If my partner does not wish to carry my child, that is her choice. Not mine, and not yours.

    No amount of political power is going to change that truth.

    So, Mr. Neil Gorsuch Mr. Brett Kavanaugh, Ms Amy Coney Barrett, you have no room to talk - because it’s obvious you didn’t use any protection when you screwed the state legislatures and said, “It’s your baby now!”

    You are gonna carry this one to term.

    And you remember what happened the last time we threw the question of freedom back to the states?

    Where I grew up we called it “The War Between the States”.

    Is that what you want? Mr Clarence Thomas?

    And you know what else? That guy who appointed the three of you, and all the people that supported him, do not actually care about unborn children.

    They have never once offered support for prenatal care, never once offered child care.

    And you bet your delicious derriére that if their darling Madison ever got knocked up by Jerry Falwell Jr’s pool boy - they would sure as hell find a clinic.

    It is ridiculous!

    These crypto Puritans might as well be wagging their fingers at trees, for dropping pollen on my car windshield and in my sinus cavities.

    “Oh how it penetrates me against my will!“

    You could just see these trees on the Dr. Phil show saying “It wasn’t our fault!


    We swear by our roots, branches and leaves, it wasn’t our idea! We were victims - victims of bees”

    Those bees… They are sneaky, persistent, aggressive. All they eat is sugar. It makes them hyperactive.
    They should be put on Ritalin we think.

    And you know they’re dysfunctional. They live with their mothers all their lives. Absent fathers and all.

    All they do is roam the countryside looking for trouble. Sex on their minds.

    In and out they fly. In and out - their hot wings beating briskly against our open little flowers.

    Oh! Oh! How is it penetrates me against my will!

    Wait! I think this is grounds for sexual-harassment.

    And the sun? The sun just watched, the old voyeur.

    Notice he didn’t call the authorities. Notice he didn’t call you.

    It is rumored after all, that the sun itself was formed by the Big Bang. Sort of a cosmic one night stand.
    All the Universe seems to care about is sex sex sex.

    But you know what?

    It was God that created this flowering earth.
    And the salacious sensuous stars. And you and me, Mr. Brett Kavanaugh, Mr. Neil Gorsuch, Ms Amy Coney Barrett.

    And since our mailing address is the Universe, we too care about sex sex sex.

    So on Judgment Day,

    I will gladly take my chances.

    Because I believe the Creator will be much more tolerant of those of us who have erred on the side of Eros, than have slept with hypocrisy in the pursuit of power.

    **************

    Apologies to Phil Rockstroh. That poem was originally cowritten by us for the Convenience Store Troubadours Album. He is not responsible for the additions. He is a gifted writer and you should seek out his work.

    ****************

    Thanks for all your support. Its tricky being on the road in a pandemic, especially if we needed to quarantine and cancel shows. Hopefully not, so far so good.

    So, if you can afford to help support what we are doing here, you can do so by clicking

    “Yes I want to support The Chris Chandler Show via PAYPAL”

    “Yes I want to support The Chris Chandler Show via VENMO.”

    And if you can be a continuing supporter (a couple of bux a month helps a lot!) you can do so by clicking
    “Yes I want to support The Chris Chandler Show via PATREON.”

    Yay to celebrating together at our summer festivals again!

    *********
    H.E.R.E.’.S. .D.A. .D.A.T.E.S.

    Sunday, July 3rd, 2022 1:00 PM

    THE POEM OF THE WEEK FACEBOOK LIVE STREAM

    Website: https://www.facebook.com/chrischandler.org

    Each Week I do a poem for you. Sometimes with special guests! Always with "Fun Texas Facts" and your "Moment of Spin"


    Friday, July 8th, 2022 1:40 PM to 2:40 PM

    THE OREGON COUNTRY FAIRE BLUE MOON STAGE

    Venita, OR
    Website: https://www.oregoncountryfair.org/



    Saturday, July 9th, 2022 11:00 AM to 12:00 PM

    THE OREGON COUNTRY FAIRE BLUE MOON STAGE

    Venita, OR
    Website: https://www.oregoncountryfair.org/



    Saturday, July 9th, 2022 3:30 PM to 4:30 PM

    THE OREGON COUNTRY FAIRE THE ANNE FEENEY MEMORIAL SET FRONT PORCH STAGE

    Venita, OR
    Website: https://www.oregoncountryfair.org/



    Sunday, July 10th, 2022 1:00 PM

    THE POEM OF THE WEEK FACEBOOK LIVE STREAM

    Website: https://www.facebook.com/chrischandler.org

    Each Week I do a poem for you. Sometimes with special guests! Always with "Fun Texas Facts" and your "Moment of Spin"


    Sunday, July 10th, 2022 9:00 PM to 10:30 PM

    THE OREGON COUNTRY FAIRE THE LIBRARY SHOW

    Venita, OR
    Website: https://www.oregoncountryfair.org/



    Tuesday, July 12th, 2022 7:00 PM

    SPECIAL SOUTHERN OREGON BACKYARD SHOW THE HOME OF JOLEE & GARY

    Address Provided once tickets are (donations) confirmedMedford, OR
    Purchase Tickets: Eventbrite

    Website: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/chris-chandler-paul-benot-at-jolee-garys-back-yard-tickets-376787159537?aff=esfb&utm-campaign=social&utm-content=attendeeshare&utm-medium=discovery&utm-source=fbm&utm-term=listing

    Alice Di Micele hosts her old friends Chris Chandler & Paul Benoit at Gary & Jolee Nelson's beautiful backyard for a concert. Join us for some inspiring spoken word from Chris and awesome guitar and vocals from Paul. You will go home renewed and happier than when you got there. Bring camp chairs or blankets to sit on, BYOB/W and bring a picnic dinner. You will receive the address upon purchase of ticket. Tickets will go on sale next Tuesday June 28th. Please bring a mask to wear when you use the restroom inside to protect our generous hosts.

    If ya wanna show up and donate in person, you could just DM me, and we'll figure it out.

    https://facebook.com/events/s/the-chris-chandler-paul-benoit/2990970274534723/



    Thursday, July 14th, 2022

    THE CHRIS CHANDLER AND PAUL BENOIT SHOW RETURNS TO COTTAGE GROVE THE AXE AND FIDDLE

    657 E Main StCottage Grove, OR 97424
    Phone: 541-942-5942

    Website: https://axeandfiddle.com/



    Friday, July 15th, 2022

    EUGENE! TSUNAMI BOOKS

    2585 Willamette St.
    Eugene, OR 97405
    Phone: 541-349-8986

    Price: $15.00

    Website: http://www.tsunamibooks.org/



    Saturday, July 16th, 2022 7:00 PM

    HOUSE CONCERT IN PORTLAND HOME OF DEAN AND ABBY BOUDOURIS

    PM me for the address.


    Sunday, July 17th, 2022 1:00 PM

    THE POEM OF THE WEEK FACEBOOK LIVE STREAM

    Website: https://www.facebook.com/chrischandler.org

    Each Week I do a poem for you. Sometimes with special guests! Always with "Fun Texas Facts" and your "Moment of Spin"


    Sunday, July 17th, 2022 6:00 PM to 8:00 PM

    THE CHRIS CHANDLER AND PAUL BENOIT SHOW RETURNS TO FLORENCE THE FLORENCE SENIOR CENTER

    1570 KingwoodFlorence, OR 97439
    Phone: (541) 997-8844

    Website: https://www.facebook.com/pages/category/Senior-Center/Florence-Senior-Center-1735908796627939/



    Friday, July 22nd, 2022

    THE ENUMCLAW SCOTTISH HIGHLAND GAMES (WITH JEN DELYTH) ENUMCLAW EXPO CENTER

    Website: https://www.sshga.org/daily-event-schedule/



    Saturday, July 23rd, 2022

    THE ENUMCLAW SCOTTISH HIGHLAND GAMES (WITH JEN DELYTH) ENUMCLAW EXPO CENTER

    Website: https://www.sshga.org/daily-event-schedule/



    Sunday, July 24th, 2022

    THE ENUMCLAW SCOTTISH HIGHLAND GAMES (WITH JEN DELYTH) ENUMCLAW EXPO CENTER

    Website: https://www.sshga.org/daily-event-schedule/



    Sunday, July 24th, 2022 1:00 PM

    THE POEM OF THE WEEK FACEBOOK LIVE STREAM

    Website: https://www.facebook.com/chrischandler.org

    Each Week I do a poem for you. Sometimes with special guests! Always with "Fun Texas Facts" and your "Moment of Spin"


    Tuesday, July 26th, 2022 7:00 PM to 9:00 PM

    THE CHRIS CHANDLER AND PAUL BENOIT SHOW RETURNS TO PORT TOWNSEND RAIN SHADOW RECORDING STUDIO

    200 Battery Way #315 (Ft Warden)Port Townsend, WA
    Website: http://rainshadowrecording.com/



    Wednesday, July 27th, 2022 7:00 PM

    HOUSE CONCERT IN BELLINGHAM THE HOME OF CARYN SIMMONS

    DM me for the address Bellingham, WA


    Friday, July 29th, 2022 7:00 PM to 9:00

    THE CHRIS CHANDLER AND PAUL BENOIT SHOW RETURN TO SEATTLE! EGAN’S BALLARD JAM HOUSE

    1707 NW Market StreetSeattle, WA 98107
    Phone: 206-789-1621

    Website: http://www.ballardjamhouse.com



    Saturday, July 30th, 2022 7:00 PM

    SUE DUMOND PRESENTS LOPEZ ISLAND GRANGE #1060

    452 Richardson Rd

    Lopez Island, WA 98261
    Website: https://www.lopezislandgrange.org/



    Sunday, July 31st, 2022 1:00 PM

    THE POEM OF THE WEEK FACEBOOK LIVE STREAM

    Website: https://www.facebook.com/chrischandler.org

    Each Week I do a poem for you. Sometimes with special guests! Always with "Fun Texas Facts" and your "Moment of Spin"

    *******
    I am going to be taking my time headed back to Austin. August is not a great time to be in Austin, so I am going to be visiting some communes, intentional communities and artist colonies that I have heard about but never visited. If you belong to or know of one between Seattle and Austin - drop me a line.

    *****

    Sunday, August 7th, 2022 1:00 PM

    THE POEM OF THE WEEK FACEBOOK LIVE STREAM

    Website: https://www.facebook.com/chrischandler.org

    Each Week I do a poem for you. Sometimes with special guests! Always with "Fun Texas Facts" and your "Moment of Spin"


    Sunday, August 14th, 2022 1:00 PM

    THE POEM OF THE WEEK FACEBOOK LIVE STREAM

    Website: https://www.facebook.com/chrischandler.org

    Each Week I do a poem for you. Sometimes with special guests! Always with "Fun Texas Facts" and your "Moment of Spin"


    updated: 3 months ago