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The Chris Chandler Show

  • Chris Chandler's  Muse and Whirled Retort  November 2006

    November 6, 2006

    Volume VIII Issue ii

    T.A.B.L.E. .O.F. .C.O.N.T.E.N.T.S.


    1. Subscription stuff
    2. Brand new stuff for November
    3. How to get stuff
    4. Greetings and quick run down of recent past and the near future
    5. The Muse and Whirled Retort
    6. Announcements
    7. "Thank You!"
    8. Dates


    1. To subscribe (I ONLY BOTHER YOU ONCE A MONTH) click:

    To unsubscribe reply with unsubscribe in the subject line.


    BRAND NEW 11/2006:



    We are in the studio all month - and this is the best CD to date!

    Another Double CD with fabulous special guests and bonus features and of
    course includes all the new material from the past year or so as well as
    a few unrecorded  "most requested favorites!"

    We could use your help making this CD.

    Being in the studio is expensive and every hour we are in the studio is
    one we aren't at your favorite neighborhood bar making a nickel.

    If you would like to order an advance copy it would sure help a lot:

    If you are feelin good this month and would like to contribute to the
    recording efforts a donation of a hundred dollars will get you in the
    liner notes!


    1. Check out a new video and includes my first attempt at antimation!


    Sofas and #2 Pencils

    While you are there - add me as a friend to Myspace at:

    (I had to do it!)

    2. View The Chris Chandler and David Roe Show's Electronic Press Kit at
    Sonic Bids



    2. H.O.W. .T.O. .G.E.T. .S.T.U.F.F.

    TO GET THE NEW 2 VOLUME ENHANCED CD SET "American Storyteller:"

    American Storyteller the DVD is NOW at CD Baby

    CD Baby now has copies of three earlier releases!

    Convenience Store Troubadours:

    Features Samantha Parton of the Be Good Tonyas, David Rovics, Oliver
    Steck, Dan Bern, Hammel on Trial


    Features Peter Yarrow of Peter Paul and Mary, Dar Williams, Ellis Paul,
    Martin Sexton, Dan Bern and many many more!

    Hell Toupee

    This is THE album featuring the band The Convenience Store Troubadours:
    Laura Freeman, Frankie Hernandez and Chan Austinson - a very cool album.

    What a Christmas Gift that would make huh?

    Enough of the crass commercial announcements. Lets get to the news.


    3. Welcome to the news letter - It's that time of the month again...
    EVERYBODY VOTE TOMMOROW. And don't play that cop out "it only
    encourages them."

    None of this, "what good does it do." BS that you and I both know is an
    excuse because you are lazy. If you really feel that way - Go to the
    poll. And cast a blank ballot.

    Biggest news this month:

    The good news is - we are taking this time off to make a new record.
    American Storyteller Vols III and IV. If you have any requests please
    let us know. Also, if you would like to help us by buying an advance
    copy of the CD just click here, make sure you put your address and well
    see to it you get a copy as soon as the ink on the cover is dry: Get your


    Also, If you would like to help us - especially since we are not on the
    road making money and are instead spending money to make this CD

    A contribution of $100 will get you listed in the liner notes! WOO HOO.
    OH, we accept anonymous donations as well in our Tip Jar:


    Second biggest news:

    We are booking a tour across the country and we need you help. Check the
    dates for details.


    4. And now...

    T.H.E. .M.U.S.E. .A.N.D. .W.H.I.R.L.E.D. .R.E.T.O.R.T.

    The Muse and Whirled Retort
    November, 2006
    Volume VIII Issue ii
    Washington, DC

    This is an amalgum of an old piece by Phil Rockstroh and myself and an essay by Phil. I recommend
    you check out this and any of the fine essays
    by Phil Rockstroh. CLICK Here

    So here it is:

    I thought we had left the 70s well behind
    but here I am stuck in another gas line

    I pulled out and wouldn't ya know
    I rear ended a 1973 cricket green pinto

    And I felt the 70s grip even tighter -
    As that car went up like a disposable lighter

    It blew apart as it did explode
    And an 8 track tape hurled through the air,
    crashed through my windshield and lodged in my frontal lobe

    And 70s and the present began to merge
    as I heard myself singing these words:

    I ain't gon bump no more with no big fat woman

    What you gon' do with all that junk?
    All that junk inside your trunk?

    I ain't gon bump no more with no big fat woman

    I'm a get, get, get, get, you drunk,
    Get you love drunk off my hump.

    Shake Shake shake, Shake Shake shake

    My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps

    She's a brick house

    An unpopular war drags on, gas prices rise and rise, as a cloud of scandal gathers over Washington

    Sound familiar?

    At times, it seems as though the 1970s never ended. Perhaps we really did sleep through the 80s &
    90s after taking a dose of Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton's Quaalude-laced, faux populist snake

    And now we're awakening, hungover, groggy, still in the midst of that ugly and odious era.

    At least that's the encrypted message I've been able to decipher, using my Super-Secret, Decoder
    Mood Ring, special limited, Karl Rove edition. George W. Bush and Karl Rove are as much products of
    the 1970s as Herpes Simplex Retrovirus.

    Historically, the world will regard The Bush Administration as the Dacron Polyester of American
    presidencies: nothing more than the Pet Rock of the American plutocratic class.

    Do a little dance Make a little love
    a little muskrat love

    May I have your attention please?
    Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
    We're gonna have a problem here..

    lets do the time warp again

    Ooops I did it again

    wake me up when September ends

    Being intelligent these days is like being sexually active in the 1950's

    Rove, Rumsfeld, Cheney - these ruthless men are all Nixon's progeny. They all got away scot-free.
    In fact, they prospered in the cynical post-Watergate era as they continue to perpetrate their
    crimes right up
    to the present time. But, it is we, the American public, who conjured these psychopaths with our
    ceaseless incantations of denial.

    Even after Nixon was exiled to San Clemente and we took up the mantra "... Let's move on ... Our
    long national nightmare is over," We Americans clung to the self-deception that we were mere
    bystanders to
    the crimes of Vietnam and Watergate, otherwise a million Vietnamese corpses would have risen
    accusingly in our dreams -- as hundreds of thousands of Iraqi dead would haunt our sleep tonight.

    We, Baby-Boomer teenagers, were primed for proto-fascism by our constant denial and need for
    escape. We were not the progeny of The Woodstock Nation, as the authoritarian types of the era had
    feared. We didn't use drugs to expand our awareness nor as acts of social or political rebellion -
    rather we used them as apolitical agents of anesthetization.
    From our pinball machine distractions, to our muscle car imperialism, to the
    self-proclaimed-edginess of the so-called FM radio revolution (that was, in reality, the advent of corporate rock).

    Just as we call ourselves hip and trendy on Rupert Murdoch's Myspace.

    So ya wanna be a rock and roll star? Listen now to what I say

    Hey now, you're an All Star get your game on, get played
    Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on, get paid

    The band is just fantastic that is really what we think and Oh, by the
    way, Which one is pink?

    I'm comin' up so you better get this party started.

    As the years trundled on, our customized vans shag carpet chrome plated chain link steering wheel
    and quadraphonic sound system would become Mini Vans with its self ejecting cup holder, GPS
    tracking and an XM satellite radio playing the same songs we played on our 8 Track.
    The accouterments of Imperial power have grown so large in direct proportion to the degree our
    individual visions have been rendered so small and corrupt.

    The United States was transformed from a republic, conceived to be governed by way of democratic
    discourse, into a center devoid archipelago of shopping malls, bereft of a public square. An
    internalized McMansion has supplanted the towering glory of our internal Sequoia trees; hence, our roots
    can no longer reach deep down, our branches no longer lift towards the sky of possibility -
    reducing sequoia forests to toothpicks in order to pick from our teeth the bits of charred flesh of
    those slaughtered in its imperial wars.

    Me and you and a dog named boo

    Who let the dogs out who who who who who who who

    Burn baby burn! - Disco inferno!

    Go, go, go, go, go, go
    Go, shorty
    It's your birthday
    We gon' party like it's your birthday
    We gon' sip Bacardi like it's your birthday

    We used to call it plagiarism - now we call it the Lime Wire.

    The empire has become a suburban pothead teenager, who, as the years have passed, has transformed
    into a self-absorbed Starbuck's Latte-slurping, Prozac popping consumer zombie, afflicted by a
    mindless appetite to devour the resources of the entire planet in the manner he devoured the food
    from his mother's pantry when he had a bad case of the reefer munchies.

    Through the ensuing decades, we've continued to deceive ourselves into believing the corruption
    and embarrassments of the 1970's -- from the crimes of Watergate to the inane-ness of The Gong Show
    (the American Idol of its time) -- had nothing to do with us. As a consequence, it comes down to
    this: we didn't learn a damn thing during the 70s, therefore, we've condemned ourselves to relive

    Yes, it is high time to strike the gong for Karl Rove and his pathetic, dancing, feces-flinging
    pet monkey act that is presently stinking up the stage of The Gong Show of the American political

    George Bush, "I vote you off the Island."

    Dick Cheney, "You're fired."

    But next, we should turn off the TV, log off the computer, walk to the
    closest mirror, look ourselves in the eye, and repeat the phrase, "I am
    not a crook."


    T.H.E. . .A.N.N.O.U.N.C.M.E.N.T.S.

    The new CD is being recorded as we speak!

    New material and many of the unrecorded and most requested old ones too.

    American Storyteller Vols 3 and 4

    The thing is we need money to finish the project. Every day we are in
    the studio is a day we are not out at you favorite coffee house shaking
    a tip jar.

    If you would like to contribute to the project we will put you in the
    liner notes for $100 as an executive producer.


    Also, you could help out by buying an advance copy.


    Or by buying any of the stuff we have for sale including American
    Storyteller the DVD

    Or the newly acquired Prime CD catalogue 3 previously unavailable titles.


    The west coast tour:

    WE SOOO need gigs to get across the country; from DC to Tacoma, WW

    Are you between here and there?

    Interested in doing a house concert?

    See dates below



    It seems that very few are covering this story correctly. These days it
    seems we listen to the news not so much to be informed but to be
    affirmed. We have left news and right news. Both miss the mark. The left
    LOVES a story of protest that wins and in its fervor to find one it
    really missed the mark here. Please see CLICK HERE

    for a letter written from Galludet faculty to Democracy NOW!


    My video:

    "Somethngs in the Air but it is not on the Air Waves" made Neil Young's
    top ten list of best anti war videos. Upon reaching its highest mark at
    # 10 it was pulled from YouTube. Then it falls in the rankings. Related?
    maybe - maybe not. Maybe I am paranoid. Doesn't change the fact that they ARE out to get me.


    Got a line on a cheap Vehicle? I really need one.


    T.H.A.N.K. .Y.O.U.

    Kimberly Simms, Atmo, Pat Barnes, Adam Broadski, Stu Bass, Wendy Corn,
    Ada Hahn, Phil and Angie, KB and Brian, Russ Tarby, Dawn, Janell, Amanda, Shirley, Anne, Chris
    Inserra. Katie Mae add your name here.


    H.E.R.E.S. .D.A. .D.A.T.E.S.

    Monday, November 6th, 2006
    WestSide Cafe
    1A W. 2nd Street

    Friday, November 10th, 2006, 8:30PM
    Greenbelt, MD
    New Deal
    113 Centerway

    Saturday, November 11th, 2006, 7:30 pm
    Laurel, MD
    The Home of Charlie Bernhardt
    11528 Tuscany Drive
    301-604-8449 (home)

    Sunday, November 12th, 2006, 8PM
    Philadelphia, PA
    Folk Factory Coffeehouse
    6900 Stenton Avenue

    Thursday, November 16th, 2006, 8 pm
    Atlanta, GA

    Chris Solo

    Eye Drum
    290 mlk jr. dr.

    Friday, November 17th, 2006
    Chris Solo

    Columbus, GA

    Howard Johnsons
    6328 Old Post Ct

    Saturday, November 18th, 2006
    Chris Solo

    Columbus, GA
    Columbus Convention Center
    801 Front Ave,

    Sunday, November 26th, 2006, 8:00
    Decatur, GA
    Java Monkey
    on Ponce de Leon


    January 4 Cincinnati?

    January 5 Louisville?

    January 6 St Louis?

    January 7 Kansas City?

    January 8 Denver Boulder?

    January 9-10 anywhere between Denver and Seattle?

    Thursday January 11

    Any one in N CA?


    Southern Washington want this date?

    Friday, January 12th, 2007, 8pm
    Northern Pacific Coffee Company
    401 Garfield Street South

    Saturday, January 13th, 2007, 9:00 PM
    Port Townsend
    823 Water

    Sunday, January 14th, 2007, 7:30 PM
    Seattle, wa
    Paul Trebach's Home / A house concert
    6755 27th ave NW

    Monday, January 15th, 2007
    Victoria, BC
    Solstice Caf�


    For info

    Tuesday, January 16th, 2007
    Vancouver, BC
    RIME for more info

    Thursday, January 18th, 2007
    Olympia, WA

    Harry Levine presents
    TBA for info

    Friday, January 19th, 2007
    Portland, OR

    Saturday, January 20th, 2007
    Eugene, Or
    Sam Bond's Garage
    407 Blair

    Sunday, January 21st, 2007
    Bandon, OR

    House Concert at
    The Home of Janet Bates for info

    We need dates in southern Or and Northern CA

    Ashland � you out there?



    Thursday, January 25th, 2007, tba
    Nevada City
    Cooper's Saloon
    235 Commercial St.
    (530) 265-011

    Friday, January 26th, 2007
    Redwood, CA
    TBA for info:

    Saturday, January 27th, 2007
    San Francisco, CA
    The Beat Museum
    540 Broadway (at Columbus)

    Sunday, January 28th, 2007, 11:00 AM
    Radio interview at KPIG!

    Sunday January 29, 2007, 8 PM

    Berkeley, CAHouse Concert at

    The home of Hali Hammer.


    Monday, January 29th, 2007, 8pm
    Downtown Felton, CA
    Don Quixote's International Music Hall
    6275 Highway 9

    NOW we are looking for dates from Los Angeles to New Orleans

    Phoenix? Prescott? Tucson? Los Cruces?

    El Paso? San Antonio?

    Austin? Houston? Dallas? South Padre Island?

    Baton Rouge? New Orleans?

    Friday, February 16th, 2007
    Deadwood Mardi Gras

    Saturday, February 17th, 2007
    Deadwood Mardi Gras

    Tuesday, February 20th, 2007
    New Orleans, LA
    Mardi Gras
    From the Bywater to the Quarters

    Wednesday, February 21st, 2007, Feb 21-25
    Memphis , TN
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