The Chris Chandler Show

Karat and the Stick (Eli Whitney was an A-Hole) / Maggieʼs Farm
Chris Chandler / Bob Dylan

“Eli Whitney was an A-hole!”
Itʼs not true... not even close... but I heard it all my life...
Well over two centuries after he started his little business in a friendʼs
garage, people were still disparaging his name......
...acting as if they owed him money or something...
...or maybe they did....
Just like Pandora owes me money...
Since Pandora launched in 2007, it grew from a garage business to
more than 60 million users worth billions of dollars.
Revenue has doubled every year since. Thatʼs why...

I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more
No, I aint gonna work on Maggie's farm no more
Well, I wake up in the morning
Fold my hands and pray for rain
I got a head full of ideas
That are drivin' me insane
It's a shame the way she makes me scrub the floor
I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.

When I first conceived of this piece... I wanted that to be the opening
line... “Eli Whitney was an ass-hole.... “
So I kept it...

It doesnʼt make me a good writer - just loyal to bad ideas... such as the
very bad idea of making a living as a songwriter...
Which is why I was so excited when I got my first royalty check from
Spotify. A song called (yes) “Eli whitney was an Ass-Hole” I got
100,000 plays - and I got a check for 21 cents. How could that be?
Thing is - when I got the check for 21 cents - I only had 17 cents in the
account to begin with... so when the bank charged me a 50 cent check
deposit fee... I wound up over drawn. - and then got a $25 dollar
bounced check charge on top of it.

I have less money than if i had never gotten played by spotify at all.
Hell, they donʼt even put the ʻcentsʼ character on the keyboard
anymore.

Ya gotta type “Option Alt 4” just to get the Ê»centsʼ character.
But with on line media - a penny has a different meaning...
Itʼs like Richard Prior as the villain in Superman three - or Superman I,
I, I for the very self absorbed......

I ain't gonna work for Maggie's brother no more
No, I aint gonna work for Maggie's brother no more
Well, he hands you a nickel
He hands you a dime
He asks you with a grin
If you're havin' a good time
Then he fines you every time you slam the door
I ain't gonna work for Maggie's brother more.

See, I grew up in Georgia - and Whitneyʼs name has always been
synonymous with my state....
To refresh your memory ... Heʼs the guy that is most famous for
inventing the Cotton Gin...
See back then - cotton was little more than a weed. It grew anywhere
and everywhere... thing is nobody knew what to do with it... even with...
ummm... how do you say it?... free labor - it was so hard to remove
the seed that you couldnʼt turn a profit from it...
...but Eli Whitney, a drunk, unemployed yankee crashing on the couch
of his school mate near Savannah had an idea.
With one turn of the crank - one man - made a steadfast weed the
most profitable plant in the country.
Cotton Plantations sprang up over night.
White Gold
Black Sweat and Tears
Thatʼs not at all what he had in mind...
Before the cotton gin, the institution of slavery was on the decline and
about to die out. He actually thought the cotton gin would end slavery
all together...
Once these plantations started making money SURELY they would
start paying the help? Right? Right?

I ain't gonna work for Maggie's pa no more
No, I aint gonna work for Maggie's pa no more
Well, he puts his cigar
Out in your face just for kicks
His bedroom window
It is made out of bricks
The National Guard stands around his door
Ah, I ain't gonna work for Maggie's pa no more.

In a few short years the number of slaves in the United States went
from five hundred thousand to four million.
Plantations were were now worth billions..

In a few short years Pandora has gone public and is worth billions
while paying its artists dozens

Turns out... the people of the south, like Pandora, would not pay Eli
Whitney for his invention. Nor would the state help him collect
royalties... even as others were making millions off his artistry.
even though he had copyrighted his idea- other people were already
pirating their own cotton gin.
When he tried to get people t pay the good people of the south ran him
out of town...

I ain't gonna work for Maggie's ma no more
and thatʼs Too bad...
No, I ain't gonna work for Maggie's ma no more
because he was happy in the south. He would have stayed.
Well, when she talks to all the servants
About man and God and law
Everybody says
She's the brains behind pa
She's sixty-eight, but she says she's fifty-four
I ain't gonna work for Maggie's ma no more.

Instead He went back to Springfield, Massachusetts where he he
developed the concept of interchangeable parts - for riffles - the
Springfield rifle - Yes, he invented the assembly line - and he gave the
north... an arsenal.
If he had stayed in the south, where he was perfectly happy... that
arsenal would have been there.
We would not have the Springfield Riffle... we would have the
Savannah Riffle - and that Civil War thing would have certainly gone
the other way.

I mean, I know artists have been being ripped off by the media since
the first broadcast hit, ”Come here Mr Watson, I want to see you.”
We have before us is a whole new platform of opportunity....
What if... you made the musicians happy?

Collectively we are a powerful force.

The Pen is mightier than the Springfield Rifle...

What if instead of everyday you had some rock stars saying they were
pulling their songs from your service - you had them saying, “Join us!”
What if you let us help you... by paying us. So we wonʼt be singing...

I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more
I aint gonna work on Maggie's farm no more
Well, I try my best/ To be just who I am
But everybody wants you/ To be just like them
They say sing while you slave and I just get bored
I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no
more.
I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no
more.
I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no
more.

It’s the carrot and the stick.
You show me a carrot -
and I’ll put down my stick.
Oh by the way...
I spell Karat with a K.

"Pay me my Money down." - Trad

Chris Chandler / Bob Dylan
Ninth Wave Publishing / Special Rider - Licensed through Easy Songs

Chandler: Spoken Word
Paul Benoit: Guitar, Vocals, Bass
Sean Shanahan: Banjo
Dan Weber: Drums
Additional Vocals: Grace Park, John Elliott Recorded Mixed and Mastered at Lost and Found by Blake Harkins Additional Tracks By Jordan Feinstein, Michael McLeod, Sean Shanahan