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The Chris Chandler Show

  • Eli Whitney was an A-Hole/ Maggie’s Farm (8:19)

    Karat and the Stick (Eli Whitney was an A-Hole) / Maggieʼs Farm
    Chris Chandler / Bob Dylan

    “Eli Whitney was an A-hole!”
    Itʼs not true... not even close... but I heard it all my life...
    Well over two centuries after he started his little business in a friendʼs
    garage, people were still disparaging his name......
    ...acting as if they owed him money or something...
    ...or maybe they did....
    Just like Pandora owes me money...
    Since Pandora launched in 2007, it grew from a garage business to
    more than 60 million users worth billions of dollars.
    Revenue has doubled every year since. Thatʼs why...

    I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more
    No, I aint gonna work on Maggie's farm no more
    Well, I wake up in the morning
    Fold my hands and pray for rain
    I got a head full of ideas
    That are drivin' me insane
    It's a shame the way she makes me scrub the floor
    I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.

    When I first conceived of this piece... I wanted that to be the opening
    line... “Eli Whitney was an ass-hole.... “
    So I kept it...

    It doesnʼt make me a good writer - just loyal to bad ideas... such as the
    very bad idea of making a living as a songwriter...
    Which is why I was so excited when I got my first royalty check from
    Spotify. A song called (yes) “Eli whitney was an Ass-Hole” I got
    100,000 plays - and I got a check for 21 cents. How could that be?
    Thing is - when I got the check for 21 cents - I only had 17 cents in the
    account to begin with... so when the bank charged me a 50 cent check
    deposit fee... I wound up over drawn. - and then got a $25 dollar
    bounced check charge on top of it.

    I have less money than if i had never gotten played by spotify at all.
    Hell, they donʼt even put the ʻcentsʼ character on the keyboard

    Ya gotta type “Option Alt 4” just to get the ʻcentsʼ character.
    But with on line media - a penny has a different meaning...
    Itʼs like Richard Prior as the villain in Superman three - or Superman I,
    I, I for the very self absorbed......

    I ain't gonna work for Maggie's brother no more
    No, I aint gonna work for Maggie's brother no more
    Well, he hands you a nickel
    He hands you a dime
    He asks you with a grin
    If you're havin' a good time
    Then he fines you every time you slam the door
    I ain't gonna work for Maggie's brother more.

    See, I grew up in Georgia - and Whitneyʼs name has always been
    synonymous with my state....
    To refresh your memory ... Heʼs the guy that is most famous for
    inventing the Cotton Gin...
    See back then - cotton was little more than a weed. It grew anywhere
    and everywhere... thing is nobody knew what to do with it... even with...
    ummm... how do you say it?... free labor - it was so hard to remove
    the seed that you couldnʼt turn a profit from it...
    ...but Eli Whitney, a drunk, unemployed yankee crashing on the couch
    of his school mate near Savannah had an idea.
    With one turn of the crank - one man - made a steadfast weed the
    most profitable plant in the country.
    Cotton Plantations sprang up over night.
    White Gold
    Black Sweat and Tears
    Thatʼs not at all what he had in mind...
    Before the cotton gin, the institution of slavery was on the decline and
    about to die out. He actually thought the cotton gin would end slavery
    all together...
    Once these plantations started making money SURELY they would
    start paying the help? Right? Right?

    I ain't gonna work for Maggie's pa no more
    No, I aint gonna work for Maggie's pa no more
    Well, he puts his cigar
    Out in your face just for kicks
    His bedroom window
    It is made out of bricks
    The National Guard stands around his door
    Ah, I ain't gonna work for Maggie's pa no more.

    In a few short years the number of slaves in the United States went
    from five hundred thousand to four million.
    Plantations were were now worth billions..

    In a few short years Pandora has gone public and is worth billions
    while paying its artists dozens

    Turns out... the people of the south, like Pandora, would not pay Eli
    Whitney for his invention. Nor would the state help him collect
    royalties... even as others were making millions off his artistry.
    even though he had copyrighted his idea- other people were already
    pirating their own cotton gin.
    When he tried to get people t pay the good people of the south ran him
    out of town...

    I ain't gonna work for Maggie's ma no more
    and thatʼs Too bad...
    No, I ain't gonna work for Maggie's ma no more
    because he was happy in the south. He would have stayed.
    Well, when she talks to all the servants
    About man and God and law
    Everybody says
    She's the brains behind pa
    She's sixty-eight, but she says she's fifty-four
    I ain't gonna work for Maggie's ma no more.

    Instead He went back to Springfield, Massachusetts where he he
    developed the concept of interchangeable parts - for riffles - the
    Springfield rifle - Yes, he invented the assembly line - and he gave the
    north... an arsenal.
    If he had stayed in the south, where he was perfectly happy... that
    arsenal would have been there.
    We would not have the Springfield Riffle... we would have the
    Savannah Riffle - and that Civil War thing would have certainly gone
    the other way.

    I mean, I know artists have been being ripped off by the media since
    the first broadcast hit, ”Come here Mr Watson, I want to see you.”
    We have before us is a whole new platform of opportunity....
    What if... you made the musicians happy?

    Collectively we are a powerful force.

    The Pen is mightier than the Springfield Rifle...

    What if instead of everyday you had some rock stars saying they were
    pulling their songs from your service - you had them saying, “Join us!”
    What if you let us help you... by paying us. So we wonʼt be singing...

    I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more
    I aint gonna work on Maggie's farm no more
    Well, I try my best/ To be just who I am
    But everybody wants you/ To be just like them
    They say sing while you slave and I just get bored
    I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no
    I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no
    I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no

    It’s the carrot and the stick.
    You show me a carrot -
    and I’ll put down my stick.
    Oh by the way...
    I spell Karat with a K.


    "Pay me my Money down." - Trad

    Chris Chandler / Bob Dylan
    Ninth Wave Publishing / Special Rider - Licensed through Easy Songs

    Chandler: Spoken Word
    Paul Benoit: Guitar, Vocals, Bass
    Sean Shanahan: Banjo
    Dan Weber: Drums
    Additional Vocals: Grace Park, John Elliott Recorded Mixed and Mastered at Lost and Found by Blake Harkins Additional Tracks By Jordan Feinstein, Michael McLeod, Sean Shanahan