The Chris Chandler Show

  • The Muse and Whirled Retort 2016

    06-16 The Muse and Whirled Retort

    Chris Chandler's M.U.S.E. .A.N.D. .W.H.I.R.L.E.D. .R.E.T.O.R.T. June 2016


    T.H.E. .M.U.S.E. .A.N.D. .W.H.I.R.L.E.D. .R.E.T.O.R.T.
    June, 2016
    Garberville, CA

    FLASH...FLASH...FLASH...

    Paul and I are just about done with the new album!
    This our third together and this, i think, is our best yet!

    Pocket Call From My Dreams

    It has many special guests including Grace Park, John Elliott, Sean Shanahan and Jordan Feinstein.

    *************

    Also we will be touring this summer and are filling in dates.  If You are on the west coast between Vancouver and San Diego  and would like this terrific show to come into you favorite venue, or even your living room - drop me a line. baldchandler@yahoo.com (please)

    ************

    if you would like to purchase an advance copy you can do so right here:
    I want The New Chris Chandler and Paul Benoit Record!

    or Paste: http://celticartstudio.com/shop/index.php?p=product&id=1069

    *************

    If you would like to contribute to the release of this record you can click on the coffee canto your right

    Enough of the Crass Commercial Announcements...
    Here is the title track from the new album...
    a true story and it is....

    T.H.E. .M.U.S.E. .A.N.D. .W.H.I.R.L.E.D. .R.E.T.O.R.T.
    June 2016
    Garberville, CA


    I got a pocket call...
    from my dreams.

    I hadn't heard from them in a while - and clearly they didn't mean to call.
    I said, "hello,"
    and all I could hear was their muffled voices
    on the other end of the line
    - clearly talking to someone else.

    It was hard to make out what they were saying,
    but then again my dreams...
    have always been hard
    to interpret.

    ~~~~~

    I stepped into a quiet place where I could listen.
    I mean how often do you get to eavesdrop
    on your own dreams?
    They seemed to be in a bar -
    talking with the dreams of others.

    Who were these dreams
    MY dreams were hanging out with?

    It seemed to be one of those seedy bars
    packed with the questionable company of
    unfulfilled dreams,
    delusions,
    illusions of grandeur,
    and this one arrogant bastard,
    intoxicated off the smell of his own musk,
    brandishing a handgun,
    and calling himself...
    the American Dream.

    ~~~~~

    My Dreams were making fun of me!

    arguing with my subconscious…

    "Sure he likes to lie in an open field of soft grass
    while building castles in the clouds,
    but once he is done...
    he still feels like a serf...
    staring up at his tower of dreams
    that he'll never see the inside of.

    He doesn't respect us I tell ya…

    He doesn't take us seriously...

    Bandying about those platitudes that he learned at some hippy festival like...

    "If we all had the SAME dream - then maybe our dreams would begin to become a realty"


    ARE WE NOT REAL?!!!

    Martin Luther King had a dream...

    on the mountain.

    Was he really on a mountain?

    Did he really have a dream?

    Did that make it any less real?

    ~~~~~

    One of my dreams offered to buy
    this one hot little wet dream a drink -

    but when he reached for his wallet
    his wallet was gone!

    Someone pickpocketed my dream!

    It must have been a very bad dream.

    But that sweet little wet dream didn't miss a beat.  
    She just smiled and said,
    "Don't worry, Baby
    if giving is better than receiving...
    than wanting is better
    than having,"

    Turns out, she was just another pipe dream.

    And with that
    she mounted the mighty mare of misconception and rode off.

    One man's High Horse
    is another man's Night Mare.

    ~~~~~

    At the end of the bar,
    there was this one dream,
    wretched, miserable and lonely.
    Another lost dream lost in a tavern full of other lost dreams.
    Naturally,
    my dreams sat down beside him
    for my dreams
    have always gravitated towards
    lost causes.

    Turns out,
    he had once been a champion.
    A great dream.
    In fact a dreamer.

    But then he realized
    that the thing that sucks about having good ideas
    is that hard work will soon follow.

    And what self respecting dream desires mountains of hard work?

    Perhaps that is why he was suffering from

    Pre Traumatic Stress Disorder.

    ~~~~~

    My dreams descended down the bar,
    a long smokey cavern -
    lots of glittery lights,
    busty barkeeps,
    and really tired muzak.

    Yes, my dreams were in a casino.

    Your dreams gamble?  
    Is nothing sacred?
    Sure,
    but if nothing is sacred
    - what does that make everything?

    Which is why when they pulled the one armed bandit of alternative realities…

    (I hear this over the phone…)

    the sound of an landslide of gold coins
    cascading into the tiny purses of little old ladies.

    I took some of the winnings and purchased a GPS for my lost dreams...
    Which just kept saying over and over
    "Recalculating.
    Recalculating.
    Recalculating."  

    Still... there were more bells...
    ... confetti rained from the sky...
    there was a balloon drop...
    trumpets herald their fortunes…
    bells…
    whistles...
    alarms…
    buzzers…
    buzzers…
    buzzers…
    buzzers…
    buzzers…

    That's no slot machine - its my alarm clock…!

    The dream is over

    …. unless…
    Well, what would you do?

    ~~~~~

    I had no choice…
    I threw it across the room
    and the alarm clock shatters into a million pieces.

    or maybe I just mashed the snooze button.

    I sometimes mistake my imagination for my memory.

    I pull the covers over my head,
    and as soon as I do…

    There are all my dreams dancing..
    hands reaching up to an iridescent sky,
    chanting, calling down the Gods..
    Their faces were painted blue
    – and they were naked

    (and believe me, MY seeing naked dreams is not a pretty sight)
    Yes, It was a nightmare… WORSE!

    My dreams were…
    were…
    on a vision quest!

    They are singing in twelve part harmony…
    "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight!"
    All I am thinking is.

    "If you people don't stop singing that Wemowah Crap...
    you're gonna wake the lion up!"

    No, no! – That's no vision quest…
    My alarm clock was set to radio – and one thing's for sure…
    I have to stop listening to NPR!

    ~~~~~

    I knew if I mashed the snooze button one more time
    I would be crossing the thin line
    between genius and insanity…
    ...only I wasn't sure in which direction…

    and like I always say,
    "when in doubt… mash the snooze button.

    Afterall, we dreamers are only happy when we are asleep.  

    but as soon as I did.

    I found my dreams in prisoned.  
    A crowd had gathered outside chanting,
    "Free the Dreams Free the Dreams."

    They implored me to act - and I said,

    "Yes, great minds think alike."
    But they chided back,

    "No, actually, average minds think alike."

    I said,
    "If I knew all the answers, I'd have a whole lotta questions."

    With that the ground began to tremble...
    as if... a giant earthquake
    were tearing down the prison walls of my dreams
    ... or no...
    my cell phone was set to vibrate...
    I answered it..

    I received a
    pocket call from my dreams.
    or perhaps,

    It was

    a wake up call.
    *************

    If You are on the west coast between Vancouver and San Diego  and would like this terrific show to come into you favorite venue, or even your living room - drop me a line.

    ************
    Below is an outline of what we are looking at.

    Saturday, June 4th, 2016
    with Jen Delyth at the Summer Arts and Music Festival
    Benbow Lake State Recreation Area
    Garberville, CA
    website: http://mateel.org/summer-arts-and-music-festival/



    Sunday, June 5th, 2016
    with Jen Delyth at the Summer Arts and Music Festival
    Benbow Lake State Recreation Area
    Garberville, CA
    website: http://mateel.org/summer-arts-and-music-festival/



    Saturday, June 18th, 2016
    Amador County Fairgrounds
    18621 Sherwood Street 
Plymouth, CA
    website: http://www.themotherlodegames.com/



    Sunday, June 19th, 2016
    Amador County Fairgrounds
    18621 Sherwood Street 
Plymouth, CA
    website: http://www.themotherlodegames.com/



    Wednesday, June 22nd, 2016  8:00 PM
    Hosting a new Storytelling Series
    Kaleidoscope Coffee
    109 Park Place
Richmond, CA
    website: http://kaleidoscopecoffee.com/



    Friday, June 24th, 2016
    Hosting the Monthly Storytelling Series "Do Tell"
    The Monkey House
    1638 University Ave
Berkeley, CA
    website: https://www.facebook.com/monkeyhousetheater/



    Friday, July 8th, 2016  3:00 PM
    with Paul Benoit and the World's Greatest Banned
    Oregon Country Faire Shady Grove Stage
    Eugene, OR
    website: www.oregoncountryfair.org



    Saturday, July 9th, 2016  1:40 PM
    with Paul Benoit and the World's Greatest Banned
    Oregon Country Faire Blue Moon Stage
    Eugene, OR
    website: www.oregoncountryfair.org



    Sunday, July 10th, 2016  3:00 PM
    with Paul Benoit and the World's Greatest Banned
    Oregon Country Faire Keasey Stage
    Eugene, OR
    website: www.oregoncountryfair.org



    Sunday, July 10th, 2016  9:00
    with Paul Benoit and the World's Greatest Banned
    Oregon Country Faire Library Show
    Eugene, OR
    website: www.oregoncountryfair.org

    Look (and looking for) dates in Ashland, Florence, Cottage Grove, Corvallis, or somewhere near you.

    Please write...

    Friday, July 15th, 2016  8:00
    with Paul Benoit and others to be named
    Tentative - Alberta Rose
    Portland, OR



    Saturday, July 16th, 2016  9:00 PM
    with Paul Benoit and friends
    Sam Bond's Garage
    Eugene, OR

    Look (and looking for) dates in Ashland, Florence, Cottage Grove, Corvallis, or somewhere near you Moving into Washington...

    Saturday, July 30th, 2016
    Enumclaw Celtic Festival
    King County Faire Grounds
    Enumclaw, WA
    website: http://www.sshga.org/home.htm



    Sunday, July 31st, 2016
    Enumclaw Celtic Festival
    King County Faire Grounds
    Enumclaw, WA
    website: http://www.sshga.org/home.htm

    Friday August 5th
    Tentative Seattle, WA

    Saturday August 6th
    Tentative Vancouver, BC

    Sunday, August 7th, 2016
    The Victoria Folk Music Society Presents Chris Chandler and Paul Benoit
    The Norway House
    Victoria, BC
    website: http://www.victoriafolkmusic.ca/

    Look for (and looking for)
    shows in Willits, Arcata, Eureka, Garberville

    Saturday, August 13th, 2016  7:30 PM
    Chris Chandler and Paul Benoit
    The Monkey House
    1638 University Ave
Berkeley, CA
    website: https://www.facebook.com/monkeyhousetheater/

    Look for (and looking for) shows in Santa Cruz, San Francisco, North Bay, Nevada City




    updated: 6 years ago