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The Chris Chandler Show

  • Chris Chandler's  Muse and Whirled Retort  May, 2009

    T.H.E. .M.U.S.E. .A.N.D.. .W.H.I.R.L.E.D. .R.E.T.O.R.T.

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    Over the next ten days or so Danny Dolinger and I will be in NY, MA, CT, NJ, and Philly


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    T.H.E. .M.U.S.E. .A.N.D.. .W.H.I.R.L.E.D. .R.E.T.O.R.T.
    May 01, 2009
    Vol X Issue vii
    New York, NY

    Ya know how when you watch news reports of say an anti war protest that you attended, and you sit there scratching your head going  "That's not the event I was at, that's not at all what happened."  

    They report one hundred thousand people as a thousand.  Some right wing or even main stream media outlet would interview the most whacked out far leftist saying, "The planes if they WERE planes wink wink were flown by remote control from an adapted X-box joy stick by Dick Cheney and his dominatrix, Ann Coulter  from their private bunker so he could start a war and give the public treasury to Halliburton who is using the profits to build concentration camps for any one who has ever considered contributing to National Public Radio."  Then the reporter looks straight into the camera and says, "Well there you have it, the voice of the left."

    That's what I was thinking when I was watching news reports of the "Tea Parties."  I would watch the most whacked out misinformed inarticulate right wingers spout far out hate. "Nancy Pelosi's mother was a secret mistress to Adolph Hitler who satisfied his cross dressing fetish in order to keep any one from knowing the Pelosis are Masons."  

    I actually found myself having sympathy for the right.  I know how it feels.  The other side takes your arguments and twists them into some divisive diatribe.

    Then I realized, I wasn't watching the other side.  I was actually watching Fox News.  The ones who sponsored the event.. This wasnt some left wing news channel trying to smear the right.

    This WAS the right.

    This was the best they had to offer.  This was actually their point of view.  HOLY COW!

    My favorite moment in the news coverage was Rush Limbaugh stuttering and stammering - obviously confused about the meaning of tea bag - saying. "I gave myself a bikini wax for this?" (not in New Jersey but I digress)

    Don't get me wrong, I love a good demonstration even if I don't agree with it.  But that's just it.  This was embarrassing.  I blushed. Not since George Bush declared "Mission Accomplished," has anyone gotten it so wrong.  Now, I realize that these events were meant to be symbolic, but thats just it.  They didnt even seem to understand the symbolism of their own symbolic event.  I found myself craving tea well, at least symbolically.  Oddly many of the events actually served tea.

    The whole reason America is hooked on coffee instead of tea is because of  well the Boston Tea Party.

    I mean, when they called them selves "Tea Parties."  I assumed they were naming them selves after the afore mentioned event  but I am not really sure.  They did wear three cornered hats and sounded like they had drunk a few to many Sam Adams. Their ideals, however, seemed to have more in common with some blue blood aristocratic ritual involving the serving of tea from heirlooms with finger bowls and mango chutney than what happened in the bitter cold Boston winter of 1773.

    Ya see, in 1773 the East Indies Company (the Wal-Mart of its day) which owned the tea that was thrown into the Boston harbor was actually receiving a tax break.  The enormous profits allowed the East Indies company to avoid middle men (ie colonial merchants who did not receive such a tax break and had no representation) and set up their own "big Box" stores driving local merchants from business.  (sound familiar?)

    If the Tax Day Protests wanted to resemble the Boston Tea party they should have gone out and hijacked a Wal-Mart truck and thrown its goods into the Boston Harbor.  They should have protested goliaths like Exxon and Mobile.  They should have commandeered a freighter and poured the oil into the ocean.  Oh, wait that's are already happening.

    They should have come here to Washington DC and joined the cause for state hood.  Our license plates  by the way  read "No Taxation With Out Representation."

    There are after all more umm. American citizens?  in the District than there are in the State of Wyoming. (Who gets three votes in congress.)  

    Where are those Tea Partiers on that issue.  I am sure they would be for it if only their werent all those pesky poor black people that might be given a voice.  The radicals in Boston had more in common with Somali pirates than they do with Sean Hannity.

    Somalia, after its government collapsed in the early nineties, has had foreign ships (many who considered Somali a colony at one point in their history) trolling their undefended waters harvesting seafood to the brink of extinction.  The "developed world" is contributing to the starvation there far more than any foreign aid package is helping.  But the biggie is merchant vessels steaming to Somalia for the purpose dumping nuclear waste (YES nuclear waste) in its defenseless waters.  Gotta put it somewhere.  After the 2005 Tsunami hundreds of the dumped barrels washed up on shore. Radiation sickness killed more than three hundred.

    I don't think I would be to happy about seeing a merchant vessel either.

    Sure many of the Somali pirates are thugs and gangsters looking out for their own self interest, just like well those who dumped tea into the harbor in Boston.

    Like America's colonial history  the closest thing the Somalis have to any sort of navy to protect its harbors are pirates. Where is Jean Lafitte when ya need him? Now, I am not justifying hijacking ships and commandeering its goods but isn't that what happened in Boston?

    Is that the American way the right wants to promote?  

    Didn't we just have eight years of that?  It has been only a hundred days and they are already screaming change! Personally, I won't be happy until it is the fat cats out on the street, hat in hand saying, "Change?"

    And the working class walking by saying, "Mission accomplished."


    T.H.E. . .A.N.N.O.U.N.C.E.M.E.N.T.S.

    Over the next ten days or so Danny Dolinger and I will be in NY, MA, CT, NJ, and Philly.  If You have an idea for a job we could work at the end of this tour between Philly and Harisonburg, VA give me a shout.  That includes you DC, Baltimore, Silver Spring.

    Paul Benoit and I are looking to fill our calendar this summer.  If you are on the west coast and would like to host a show  gimie a shout!
    I will be crossing the country twice as a solo  if you would be interested in having me as a soo in your town  gimmie a holler!
    New Anne Feeney video coming soon!
    Paul and I are going to do some recording this summer.  There is a slim chance we might have something for sale.
    Happy 90th Birthday Pete!

    If my editor would get of his skinny hippy ass and quit smoking the spirilina I might have a print version of the best of the whirled retort available this summer.  OK I am kidding it is really my fault if I don't I just wanted to say smoking spirilina  I thought that was funny and I wanted to use it.
    I am soooooo.. close. Only four hundred dollars to go and I will have paid off all credit cards! So close. I think I can I think I Thinkicanithinkicanithinkicanithink
    THE BOX SET!  If you would like or would like to inflict upon your friends loved ones or neighbors a copy of Fifty from Twenty.  A best of retrospective of Chandler's first twenty years on the road you can do so by clicking here..
    Finally, If you would like to support this news letter for no other reason than you enjoy it and would like to voluntarily support it click here.

    T.H.A.N.K. Y.O.U.
    Shirley Myers, Danny Dolinger, Christina Wulf, Anne Feeney, Celene de Loach, Michelle Sellers, Joe and Jay, EEQ, Pat Barnes, The IRS, Nick Annis, Karen and Alan Murray, Claire, Kevin, Frank and Dorothy Chandler.
    H.E.R.E.'.S. .D.A. .D.A.T.E.S.

    chris chandler Upcoming Events:

    Thursday, April 30th, 2009 7:30 PM
    New York, New York
    David Byran Presents Chris Chandler with Dany Dolinger

    200 Hudson Street
    New York, NY

    with special guests the merry Minstrel Makers

    Friday, May 1st, 2009 6:00 PM
    Haledon, NJ

    Passaic County Cultural and Heritage Council and the NJ Council for the Arts Present a Labor Day Celebration

    American Labor Museum/Botto House National Landmark

    phone: (973)595-7953

    Other performers include Anne Feeney, The NJ Indutrail Union Council Solidarity Singers, Young & Younger
    There is a $10 entrance fee which includes light refreshments, entertainment, a museum tour and preview of the new exhibit

    Saturday, May 2nd, 2009 8:00 PM
    Bellport, NY
    Peace Groups on Long Island Present Chris Chandler with Danny Dolinger and George Mann

    the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Bellport
    51 Browns Lane
    Bellport, NY
    phone: 212-923-6372

    PRICE: $10.00

    This will be a split bill with Geroge Mann and myself.

    Sunday, May 3rd, 2009 2 PM
    Poquott, NY
    Mike Stein Presents a house concert featuring Chris Chandler with Danny Dolinger at the home of Dan & Efrat Bolze

    Poquott, NY 11733

    phone: 631-786-7553

    RSVP should be to or phone calls should also be
    made to Mike Stein at 631-786-7553.

    Monday, May 4th, 2009 9:30
    Cambridge, MA
    Geoff Bartley Features Chandler at his long running Open Mic

    Can Tab
    Central Square
    Cambridge, MA

    phone: 617 354-2685

    Tuesday, May 5th, 2009 8 PM
    Providence, RI
    The Ric Presents Poetry Feature Got Poetry Live

    Blue State Coffee
    300 Thayer Street
    Providence, RI


    Wednesday, May 6th, 2009 7:30
    Lynn, MA
    Don White presents Chris Chandler with Danny Dolinger at the Speak UP! Feature

    70 Market St
    Lynn, MA 01901

    phone: (781) 477-0700


    SPEAK UP! has poets, storytellers, comedians, ranters, community activists,biology grad students from Northeastern, musicians and magicians all getting mike time. Each person that signs up gets 5 minutes. With Chris Chandler ss the feature for half an hour. You also get dinner. We have built up a little Wednesday night community. Much fun.

    Thursday, May 7th, 2009

    Wrench in the Works 8 PM
    Willimantic, CT

    Willimantic, CT


    Friday, May 8th, 2009 8 PM
    Courtney Presents a House Concert

    Delilah's Den

    RSVP to
    Philadelphia, PA


    A house concert by XFS goddess Courtney Malley

    Saturday, May 9th, 2009 8 PM
    Robbinsonville, NJ
    The First Spring Concert Ever!
    Marshall Farm (a house concert)

    RSVP ..
    Robbinsonville, NJ

    Time to be announced, you are welcome to join us around 6 pm.

    Anyone want to put together a quick house concert on May 10 or 11 or 12 anywhere from Philly to Harisonburg, VA
    DC? Baltimore? Deleware?

    We are reheared and ready to rock.

    Friday, June 12th, 2009
    Chris Chandler with Paul Benoit
    The Extreme Folk Festival XFS
    the Country Creek Winery

    Telford, PA

    June 12-13th 2009, 2 days of awesome music, vendors, wine, food at the Country Creek Winery in Telford PA.

    Chris is looking for solo Dates in the middle of the great wide open country here

    Friday, July 10th, 2009 through SUnday July 12th
    Vineta OR
    The Oregon Country Fair


    Paul and I are looking for dates on the west coast here!

    July 26
    Eugene OR
    Sam Bond's Garage

    Paul and I are looking for dates on the west coast here!

    Paul and I are looking for dates in England after that.

    Chris is looking for solo Dates in the middle of the great wide open country after that.