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The Chris Chandler Show

  • Chris Chandler's  Muse and Whirled Retort  June, 2009

    T.H.E. .M.U.S.E. .A.N.D.. .W.H.I.R.L.E.D. .R.E.T.O.R.T.

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    T.H.E. .M.U.S.E. .A.N.D.. .W.H.I.R.L.E.D. .R.E.T.O.R.T.
    June 01, 2009
    Vol. X Issue viii
    Kerrville, TX

    At the cajoling of friends I opened a "Twitter (r)" account and have not looked at it since. However, I get these emails that say all these people are following me.  I have a sense of Orwellian doom. Then I go to a gig and think, "HEY! Where are all my followers?"  I have taken to reciting poetry in front of security cameras. I am developing a following of really bored security guards. Three of them bought my CD.

    I get all of these requests on Facebook (r) to fill out surveys asking me to reveal "25 Things About Me Nobody Knows" Hmmm I think, if I did that those 25 things would be no longer true.  Maybe you don't know them for a reason.  Maybe that reason is not all that insidious or mysterious maybe those 25 things just aren't all that exciting.  Danny Dolinger says, "Just because it happened to you doesn't make it interesting."

    I stayed at a Motel 6 (r)recently and got online (no longer free BTW). The next day I stayed at another motel and I got an ad on my Facebook page from Motel 6 (r)saying, "We want you back. "
    I say on Facebook (r) that I was born in 1913.  I get ads for "Love After 80 (r)", Depends, and last will and testament legal filing services.

    We communicate a great deal through these one liners we post on social networking sites but not just to each other.  Just because I am paranoid doesn't mean they are NOT out to get me.  There just isn't all that much to get, so I am still here.

    I really don't want to be King Leer, eyes gouged out, kneeling in the rain railing at the moon, or a rainbow warrior with no driver's license, bank account (or job) and whose children do not have social security numbers.

    I do it.  I post a little one liner every day on face book.  I have to admit I enjoy the challenge.  Sometimes I think I may have lost contact with folks from 20 years ago for a reason.  Sometimes I think, "WOW! I really wish I kept up with that person" sometimes I think, "Why do I STILL keep up with that person?"  Mostly when I am on that thing, I don't think at all.

    None the less, I have been so busy doing that that I am late for my monthly news letter and all I have is a bunch of one line Profile updates from a social networking site.  Here they are

    Chris Chandler retorts, "Time is not on my side it's on my back."

    ...wonders, "What's 20 years between friends?"

    ... is making folk music a threat again. (like Riot Folk) an old movie style poster thwarting any attempt for public health care with a picture of three swordsmen as "The Free Marketeers and a caption reading "All for none and none for all."

    ... looks out his window and sees closed factories - moved to Bangladesh, and a homeless guy by the interstate, with a caption that reads: "American Idle."

    ...thinks "American Idol" is aptly named 'cause when we watch that crap America IS idle.

    ... envisions a new television reality show called "F*%king With The Porn-Stars" in which porn industry producers and directors will hold up score cards judging the prowess of forgotten minor celebrities as we watch them give real porn stars their best shot.

    ...was just thinking over half the population of Iraq and Afghanistan have never voted  but you would be hard pressed to find a single American who has never been to a McDonalds.

    ...insists it be called "Obsessive Compulsive Order!"

    ... is driving for 5 hours to rehearse for 4 hours with Danny Dolinger.

    ... believes billboards form in first light shadows, inviting us all to focus on something other than the beauty that is already there.

    ... wonders since I was made in God's image does that mean I am immortal, eternal, omniscient? violating the terms of his Facebook contract. singing Ruby Tuesday is Gone With The Wind Cries Mary Had a little Baby Please Don't Go Speed Racer X - es Live in Texas T for Tennessee stud singing Benedict Arnold with a happy meal / extra fries came with the deal / with our apple pie is in a cardboard box. / At the Taco Bell in Valley Forge / there were burrito supremes we could all afford / and tiny packets of mild alternative rock

    ... sees oncoming head lights parade by like sad clowns or full moons looking down on an awkward girl with a nervous laugh in a distant city.

    ... worked as a stage hand yesterday. The third oldest profession.

    ... is taking down the stage for Earth Day in the rain. Should I complain? singing, "Well, they say it's your Earth Day Well, It's my Earth Day too, yea."

    ...wonders why there is not free wiFi on our national mall?

    ... wonders if Monday is the first day of the week or is Sunday?

    ... Sez the power of good is greater than the power of evil. Just not by very much.

    ... is wondering if his room is cluttered or this is his own quirky aestheticism

    ... was afraid of facing his fears so he turned his back on them and saw all of the hope and inspiration that trailed behind.

    ... is reading Aleksandr Pushkin while listening to Southern Culture on the Skids.

    ... has jumped off the wagon and boarded the Night Train.

    ... figures, if life were easy everybody would be having one.

    ...shouts, "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!"


    OK OK that is enough.  I thank you all for reading my little monthly missive.  Feel free to pass it on to others and if you would like to subscribe I promise never to sell this list and to only bother you once a month.  You can do that by clicking here:

    Danny Dolinger and I had a wonderful trip to New England, New York, New Jersey.  WOW!  And then to Texas and my beloved Kerrville Folk Festival.  Danny and I might even have an act together  what do you think?  

    It was terrific to see all of you out there! HOLY COW, I miss that place.

    I am so looking forward to hitting the road with Paul Benoit.  He flies in from Paris this week and we play the Xtreme Folk Festival first  then off to the west coast.

    Paul and I have several dates to fill especially in middle/northern California, Washington state and Oregon

    I am punting on the trip to England in August, I just could not get the dates to justified the trip.  DANG.

    Danny Dolinger and I are thinking of a trip through Middle America in the fall ending up  in Columbus, GA for SOAW.  If you have any thoughts  now it the time.

    The box set is doing well  and also there are now a few copies of some of my older titles at CD Baby.

    There is a possibility I will have the anthology of ten years of whirled retorts out this summer.  If any of you know a good place to get a (apx) 300 page book made please drop me a line

    T.H.A.N.K. .Y.O.U.!

    Shirley Myers, Danny Dolinger, Christina Wulf, Anne Feeney, Celene deLoach, David Byran, Phil and Angie, George Mann, Angelica, Kate Feeney, Mike Stein,Dan and Efrat Bolze, Geoff Bartley, Jim and Catherine, Pete Cassani, Ryk McIntyre, Jan Luby, Abby Thomson, Don White, Amy Malkof (who took this months feature photo), Jon Svetkey, Brian Doser, Nikki Leeman, Chuck Yeager, All those wonderful wonderful folks in Willimantic CT, Courtney Malley and her wonderful family, Jim and Maggie, Lisa Beth, Dennis O' Brein, Ray and Kati, Christina's mom, Vern and Lenore, Dalis Allen, Tim Mason, Shannon Flattery, Ruby Luby, Brad, all the great folks at Camp Calm, Camp Stupid and Camp Cuisine, special shout out to Doug Gesaman, The Blue Hit, Amy Berlin, Sick and Raina, Raina Rose, Eric Schwartz, That Damned Band, Patty Peeples, Michelle Sellers Joe and Jay, EEQ, Pat Barnes, Seth Lamb, Karen and Alan Murray, Claire, Kevin, Frank and Dorothy Chandler and Wendy Corn.

    N.O.W. .H.E.R.E.'.S. .D.A. .D.A.T.E.S.

    Friday, June 12th, 2009
    The Extreme Folk Festival XFS
    the Country Creek Winery
    Telford, PA
    June 12-13th 2009, 2 days of awesome music, vendors, wine, food at the Country Creek Winery in Telford PA.

    Saturday, June 13th, 2009 5 PM
    The Extreme Folk Festival XFS
    the Country Creek Winery
    Telford, PA
    June 12-13th 2009, 2 days of awesome music, vendors, wine, food at the Country Creek Winery in Telford PA.

    Thursday, June 18th, 2009 9:00 PM
    The Hadees Jazz Jam with Yomamanem
    Mexican/Salvadoran Restaurant.
    3102 Mt Pleasant St NW
    Washington, DC 20010
    I am only doing a tweener at 10 PM
    basically the corner of Mt Pleasant and Irving. Mexican/Salvadoran Restaurant.

    I am going to be in Atlanta and Ashville in Late June
    Anyone got any ideas?

    Then I am going to cross the country and looking for something to get in to between here and Seattle.

    Friday, July 10th, 2009 noon
    Shady Grove Stage
    The Oregon Country Fair
    Vineta, OR

    Friday, July 10th, 2009 3 PM
    Chez Ray's
    The Oregon Country Fair
    Vineta, OR

    Saturday, July 11th, 2009 5:15 PM
    Kesey Stage
    The Oregon Country Fair
    Vineta, OR

    Sunday, July 12th, 2009 noon
    Blue Moon Stage
    The Oregon Country Fair
    Vineta, OR

    Sunday, July 12th, 2009 3 PM
    Chez Ray's
    The Oregon Country Fair
    Vineta, OR

    Sunday, July 12th, 2009 soon as the sun goes down
    The Anual Library Show
    The Oregon Country Fair
    Vineta, OR

    Monday July 15th
    Corvailis, OR
    ANNE FEENEY'S Sing Out for Single Payer Road Show
    Corvallis, OR
    Paul Hochfeld is the contact - phochfeld(@)
    With Citizen's Band and Anne Weis

    Tuesday, July 14th, 2009 6:00
    Chris and Paul splitting a bill with David Rovics
    Mississippi Pizza
    3552 N Mississippi Ave
    Portland, OR 97217
    phone: (503) 288-3231

    Wednesday, July 15th, 2009 8:00 PM
    with Paul Benoit - A split bill with Adam and Kris
    The Airplay Cafe
    701 E. Burnside St.
    Portland, OR 97214
    phone: 503-808-7908
    tickets are $10 in advance (at Brown Paper Tickets) and $12 at the door

    Thursday, July 16th, 2009 7:00 PM
    With Paul Benoit
    The Public Library
    825 NW Wade St
    Estacada, OR

    Friday July 17th 2009
    Cecils New Orleans Bistro
    773 Redwood Dr.
    Garborville, CA 95542

    Saturday, July 18th, 2009
    Live Oak Alive Summer Concert Series (with pre-show potluck-style cookout)
    Santa Cruz Live Oak Grange Hall #503
    1900 17th Avenue
    Santa Cruz, CA 95062
    phone: 831-325-3376

    Monday, July 20th, 2009
    Redwood Gardens
    Berkeley, CA
    More info TBA

    Tuesday, July 21
    Truckee CA
    details TBA

    Friday, July 24th, 2009
    Pooba's Chicken Coop Grand Tent Revival
    Shakespere Tent
    Willits, CA

    Saturday July 25th
    Crescent City?

    Sunday, July 26th, 2009 8PM
    with Paul Benoit
    Sam Bond's Garage
    407 Blair Blvd
    Eugene, OR 97402
    phone: 541-431-6603

    Monday, July 27th, 2009 7 pm
    with Paul Benoit
    Bohemia Gallery
    222 A Street
    Ashland, OR 97520
    phone: 541-488-5227

    Tuesday July 28
    Florance, OR
    Details TBA

    Wed and Thursday July 29, 30
    Anyone in Olympia, Chehalis, Tacoma want to do a show?

    Friday July 31
    Seattle, WA
    House Concert presented by Jess Grant
    at The Laurelhurst Lounge
    4819 38th Ave. NE, Seattle, WA 98105
    Venue Phone:  206-618-8648

    Saturday August 1
    Vashon Island, WA

    August 2 3 4 5???
    Port Townsend?
    Courtaney, BC?

    Thursday August 6
    Duncan, BC
    The Garage
    Details coming

    Friday August 7
    Victoria, BC
    House Concert
    Venue and details TBA

    Saturday, August 8th, 2009 8 pm
    The Industrial Workers of the World Presents Chris Chandler with Paul Benoit
    Rhizome Gallery
    317 East Broadway
    Vancouver, BC

    Sunday August 9th