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The Chris Chandler Show

  • The Muse and Whirled Retort October, 2007 8th Anniversary

    Hey everybody,
    This is the ever special 8th anniversary of your beloved newsletter!  Wow, have I had email that long?

    Please feel free to pass it along to your friends and" enemies.
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    So to commemorate the anniversary I have decided to look back and present a bit of a retrospective.  This is a series of one liners and bits from the past 8 years.  As usual , the newsletter will be followed by a little bit about what is going on with me, some announcements and of course the dates.

    Vol IX issue i
    October 1, 2007
    Silver Spring, MD

    You can't comment on the scenery, unless you take the trip.
    Have you ever been to Crawford?  It is a gated 'town' of Mansions, SUVs and helipads.  There are more millionaires per capita then any where this side of Kuwait City. "
    "The thing is... surrounding these walled mansions in Crawford (quaintly called "ranches") is complete, abject, desperate poverty.  

    When you see the tar paper and corrugated tin shacks out side the castle walls you begin to understand George Bush's vision of America.

    Successful unemployment is more challenging than having a job.
    It is no real surprise to me that Anne is being audited.  I mean who can decipher the infrastructure that companies like World Com, AOL/Time Warner and Enron are built on.  And if you start dismantling that house of cards the whole economy would collapse"

    "Auditing a folk singer?  That's like panhandling in a homeless shelter.  
    If life were easy, everybody would be having one.
    Winter is something you can feel in your bones. It makes us aware of our skeletal structure as it strips the trees of summer, allowing us to behold the bones of the earth. We see her landscapes without her gaudy gardenias and great green summer trees, her trendy autumn scarves, or her whorey spring negligees of tulips and bumblebees.  

    We see the earth naked " as we see our lover the next morning. Make-up kissed away. The low slant of winter's morning light reveals the angles of her jaw line. Down comforters and a sluggish sunrise let us stay in bed a little longer as we look within.


    The media is as liberal as the corporations that own them
    I loved the local news coverage asking penetrating questions like: "How have the protesters affected your morning commute?"

    The newspaper called the protesters "self-absorbed" in that the protesters were armed with more cameras than tofu hotdogs.  I found that notion kind of ironic since if the newspapers would actually report what is happening we wouldn't feel a need to create our own Indie Media Centers.

    Only complacency can crush rebellion.

    I have read that more people on the planet watch the Super-Bowl than any other event in the world  watched by billions. It is the largest collective global experience we have. Of course, I don't know why I believe such reports. If they estimated TV ratings the same way that they calculate the number of protesters at an antiwar rally the headline for the Super Bowl would read: "Hundreds watch football game."
    People who think life is great simply have nothing to compare it to.

    I envision a new reality show " one much more wholesome " perhaps it should be shot in black and white.  It features George Senior, not Ozzie Osborn, puttering around the summer house in Kennebunkport - like Fred Mc Murray - wearing a cardigan muttering to himself what to do about those pesky kids: Neal and Jeb and Little George. We'll call it My Three Sons"

    "Jeb calls up and asks, 'Daddy, if we introduce democracy into Iraq, does that mean Florida might be next?'

    "L'lil George comes over for his history lesson.  
    and dad asks " now George " who was the first president of the united states?  

    George gets that confused look on his face " that we've all grown to know and love " so dad says, 'I'll give you a hint " the picture is on the one dollar bill.'  

    L'lil George looks at the bill and says, 'Mommy!'

    "Dad gets the globe off the shelf and tries to show him the difference between the Persian Gulf and the Persian Cat.

    And George looks at the globe as his father points.  He sees the very place that civilization began " and something inside him stirs.

    Something makes his tiny heart swell " just a little bit.
    as he announces, 'That's where the bombing begins!'

    History repeats itself like those bad jokes with forgotten punch-lines.
    Sometimes listening to George Bush is like reading the first chapter of Genesis in reverse.  I mean I know he has dyslexia and all"

    'And in the end " the world was a shapeless chaotic mass.'

    'No, No, No, George, It's 'In the beginning' " George, 'the beginning' get it right!'

    Is it any wonder why " in that region " as civilization was in its infancy, human beings wandering aimlessly through the desert " that they found their liberation" their salvation "their hope " in a burning" Bush?
    Pay no attention to that corporation behind the flag
    It always gets darkest just before it goes" completely black.

    "Question Authotity?"  OK, why are you telling me what to do?

    Finally, can we quit it with the "God Bless America" stuff? Can't we just leave God (and for that  matter Lee Greenwood) out of this for once? Didn't we say this is not a religious war. Not a holy war. (holy war - how's that for an oxymoron  up there with Fresh Frozen ®, Military Intelligence, Marijuana Initiative and the deep south.)

    Just wondering, how come we never see bumperstickers that read "God Bless Uruguay" or "God Bless Lower Volta"?

    Here in Vancouver  (where we are right now) we've seen lots of Canadian cars sporting "God Bless America!" bumper stickers.  But, here it feels different - not like in the USA-not at all  at home it feels like it means: "God bless me!" Here it feels almost quaint..  like ya know when your  great Aunt Mathilda dies and you find yourself saying "Poor old Mathilda, God bless her."


    Hard times will follow you but, they can be out run.

    The desperate do desperate things when made more desperate.

    And you, 9th Ward New Orleans, have been made the lowest of the low - but like a savior born in the feeding trough of a jack ass - you are the birth of the blues.

    America does not understand that you cannot feel the joy of song without the blue note of pain. And it is pain you have felt. So who can blame you when you never do ask "Good Morning, America.  How are you?"

    I don't recall America ever asking you.
    Ya know, George  if you really want to bomb every one who has ever armed, funded or trained Osama Bin Laden  perhaps you should start with your dad.
    To be critical is not unpatriotic - for it is our very ability to be critical in the face of such a horrific act that makes us great.
    I remember seeing the World Trade Center in person back in 1998. For years I had thought the two buildings looked like the boxes that the Chrysler and Empire State buildings came in.  Nothing better to do, I lay on one of the sidewalks between them  as close to the center as I could surmise  and looked  up.  From that vantage point, the two vanishing points nearly merged until only a thin ribbon of heaven was visible between them. At that time, there was a sculpture between them dedicated to world peace.   I remember thinking it was ironic that a tribute to world peace would be placed so squarely at the center of world trade"  

    "The sculpture somehow survived and now stands battered in Battery Park, its meaning altered.  It seems to be asking,  "What have we learned?"

    I think back to 9-11 and the pundits asking for that moment of silence.

    Every time I hear the bombs falling--every time I hear those chants of "USA! USA!"--I wish SOMEONE would ask for another moment of silence.

    A year of silence.

    A millennium of silence.

    But no one does.

    And I realize that what they were really asking for with their moments of silence was for ME to be... well... silent.

    I say, everyone is God's own jester, amuse him.

    Then there is the game itself, which seems to remarkably resemble our foreign policy. Picture Dan Rather and Geraldo Rivera in orange blazers  "The Oilers are deep in their own territory and the Raiders are on the attack.  We are all wondering if the Oilers have some secret weapon hidden in their otherwise shabby defense." "

    ""George Bush has the ball - trying to make an end run around the inspectors - but it looks like his UN front line is beginning to crumble.   He may have to unilateral it... but he is taken down at the Kuwaiti Border. It's fourth down and Bagdad to go. It looks like George is gonna have to throw 'em the bomb."
    The reason some people want us poor folks to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps is just to get us to bend over.
    "..which is exactly why Anne and I drive past amber waves of grain, over purple mountain majesties, why we fly through spacious skies, above the fruited plain just to play on picket lines and at demonstrations. People pouring their hearts and souls into their communities and families " not for purposes of a capital gain " but because it is the right thing to do and it makes us a great nation in spite of the horrific deeds others do in our name. Our greatness is there " even when it is not apparent. These days it seems so far from apparent we may
    need to occasionally be reminded of it.

    My love for this country is like the moon - not because it comes and it goes, but because it is there when it does not show.

    Freedom is thanking a god you don't believe in.
    I think therefore... I'm not sure.
    ".Or was my lover the American people?  Why did I think if only the American people would show up to vote I would get what I wanted?  "  The American People have spoken.

    For so long, I had wanted to hear her speak.  The idea of her voice was erotic.  It haunted me.  But like a silent movie starlet, once her shrill screechy voice was heard " I never wanted to see her again.  Why did I want her so badly?

    I am so cynical I'm optimistic
    We scratch our heads, befuddled, when the Iraqi people do not rise up and join the invading army to rid themselves of Saddam's tyranny. . .

    . . . It is as if in 1959 Red China invaded Alabama to liberate African-Americans from Jim Crow. Would you really expect American blacks running through the streets of Birmingham waving Chinese flags and shouting, "Long Live Chairman Mao?"

    If you think there is a cutting edge, than you ain't on it.
    If you want "equal time" flip on the TV.  Turn on AM radio.  Turn on FM Radio!  Turn on Cable Radio!  Read the "liberal press." Walk into a bar.  Open a window.  Read a bumper sticker, a T-Shirt, a ball cap, a dixie cup.  Eavesdrop on a conversation at the Starvin' Marvin.  There is your equal time  yea that's it - equal time.  As equal as the median income of those getting a tax break and those who are not.  As equal as the Yankees and the Expos  as equal as the Conquistadores and the Incas, Lee and Grant after the fall of Richmond, the Iraqi Army and the US Marines... as balanced as the budget...
    Saviors need their sinners more than sinners need to be saved.
    ...Now, aside from all the really cool stuff Christ said  it seems the most quoted bit is John 3:16, which, depending on your preferred translation, reads: "Whosoever believeth in me shall not perish but have everlasting life."

    I never really liked that bit " it seems rather "I, Me, My" for a guy known as the messiah and all...    

    So, I was thinking: Somebody on down the line must have gotten the translation wrong and by "me" it really meant "my teachings," or more, simply, "forgiveness"?

    And what if the "whosoever" had nothing to do with `you' and `your' paltry sins"

    What if the "whosoever" was well" mankind itself?  

    And most important:  What if "everlasting life" was really about the survival of the species  not the individual?

    Then the translation is"  "If we embrace forgiveness, then mankind could live on the Earth forever."  John 3:16.

    Thank you all so much for 8 wonderful years of sending out this newsletter!

    I am in DC these days, taking a bit of a needed break from touring " the longest one in my nearly 20 years of being in a different city every week.  I am working on a few video projects and booking some new tours.  I will be headed to Georgia in November and New England in December with Seattle slide guitar guru Paul Benoit.

    I am still considering the west coat in January but leaning against it.  I will be at the Folk alliance in February " which will include a trip to Texas.  I have yet to start booking that tour.  If you have any thoughts on that trip and want to have me perform in your town " please drop me a line.

    Long time Kerrvert, Cookie passed away on Wed September 5th.  He is dearly missed by all of us who have made the Quiet Valley Ranch our home.  I can still hear him playing the bones to with the impromptu house band at the Kerrtry Store.  
     If you would like to contribute to the health of this newsletter please click:
    This month I will be loading up videos to Myspace and You-tube.
    Please stop by and ummm... be my friend.
    As always, CDs are available at
    Thanks to Shirley, Anne Feeney, Washington, DC Storytellers, Joe and Jay, Pat Barnes, Karen Wurl, Karen Kilroy, Jim Infantino.
    H.E.R.E.S. .D..A. .D.A.T.E.S.

    Saturday, October 20th, 2007, 7:30 PM
    Leverett,, MA
    With Jim Infantino as my musical partner
    Echo Lake Coffee House
    Town Hall, 9 Montague Rd.

    If you are anywhere between GA and DC and would like to present this show on November 10 thru 14
    Let me know.

    Thursday, November 15th, 2007, 8 pm
    Atlanta, GA
    Eye Drum a Close the SOAW benefit
    290 mlk jr. dr.

    Friday, November 16th, 2007
    Columbus, GA
    Ft Benning/Howard Johnson Hotel

    Saturday, November 17th, 2007
    Columbus, GA
    Ft Benning/Convention Center

    OK, I have almost no dates and I have managed to double book this one " I will fix it.

    Wednesday, November 21st, 2007
    Decatur, GA
    Eddie's Attic
    515-B North McDonough St.

    Wednesday, November 21st, 2007
    Atlanta, GA
    Madratz Infoshop
    840 Dekalb Ave.

    Saturday, November 24th, 2007
    Decatur, GA
    As a judge in his '1000 dollar shoot out'
    Eddie's Attic
    515-B North McDonough St.

    Sunday, November 25th, 2007, 8:00
    Decatur, GA
    Spoken word feature
    Java Monkey
    Church and Ponce de Leon

    If you are anywhere between GA and DC and would like to present this show on November 26 thru 30
    Let me know.

    If you are in NY, CT, MA, MJ or western PA and would like to present this show Dec 1 thru 10 let me know.

    Tuesday, December 4th, 2007
    Providence, RI
    Reflections Cafe
    468 Wickenden St
    (401) 273-7278

    Saturday, December 8th, 2007
    Willimantic, CT
    Wrench in the Works

    Sunday, December 9th, 2007, 8 pm
    Cambridge, MA
    47 Palmer St
    617 492 5300
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