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The Chris Chandler Show

  • Chris Chandler's MUSE AND WHIRLED RETORT April  2008

    newsletter imageT.H.E. .M.U.S.E. .A.N.D. .W.H.I.R.L.E.D. .R.E.T.O.R.T.

    By Chris Chandler

    Vol IX issue v

    April 1, 2008

    Silver Spring, MD

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    The Box Set – Fifty from Twenty - what? Are you kidding me?  Holy Cow!

    Click on the Announcements section to find out more!

    Hey Everybody,

    It's that time of the month again! I am still in Silver Spring, MD.  Working on a few things if ya wanna check out what is happening with me personally – I have this new fancy format for the newsletter – just click on the announcements section off to the side.  

    Speaking of the new format, if you are having trouble with it please click and read it there. Since it is a new format – please OH please drop me a line and say what you think.

    So… the new piece this month is another monologue from the play I am working on.

    T.H.E. .M.U.S.E.. A.N.D. .W.H.I.R.L.E.D. .R.E.T.O.R.T.

    From "…And I Ain't Gonna Be Treated this A-Way."

    A new one man play in progress

    By Chris Chandler

    In this scene I am driving and talking to a hitch hiker as we drive through West Texas beneath an ocean of stars.  We are in mid conversation after having just soared through the galaxy in a late night driving marathon induced hallucination.>

    Chris:  No, don't weep for me none.  I am alive. 100%.  Right back down here on earth.  Though some of them snobby stars might disagree. But what do they know?  What have they ever known?  They base how alive you are by what your credit rating is.  I got no credit, no property, if it ain't in this micro bus, I ain't got it.  But hell, like my friend Roger Manning used to say, "People work hard there whole lives – wind up with nothing.  Me, I ain't got nothing but at least I didn't work hard for it."

    That's why I say they are wrong – that's why I say, it is they are who are not alive.  

    'Fact, not only are they not alive – they spend all their days and hours trying to kill anything that might resemble life.  Late fees, Over the limit fees, Bounced check fees. Overdraft fees.

    Hey, I got an idea – this guy doesn't have any money – lets charge him for being broke.  We'll get rich rich rich!

    These banks are a bunch deregulatory capitalist robber-barons as long as they are making money – but soon as the start loosing money – they are a bunch of socialist commie pinko bastards giving a hand job to the corpse of Khrushchev while sucking at the teet of the mother country.

    I say they are the biggest merchants of death since the Spanish landed at Hispaniola.  I mean the Banks – they are a lot like Pizzaro with the Incans  sayin', "If you don't give us your gold you we'll put you in shackles."  And Hell, The Incas didn't HAVE any gold.  

    Kinda like you or me.  But that didn't matter then – and it doesn't matter today.   They will hunt you down enslave you and you WILL come up with some gold and get down on your knees and offer it to the great God Citi Bank – and before you know it your entire way of life is gone.  

    Those that could get away ran and hid – as long as they could – the rest were made slaves or killed outright – till there were none left.  Zero.  Wiped out – like we will be if we don't wake up.

    Its run or get killed.

    Me and you – we wind up paying for last months groceries seven years later.  Forced to pay for the sins of survival.  We are forever haunted by the Ghost of Purchases Past.

    I can hear Lionel Berrymore in A Christmas Carol stepping up to the microphone --  the chains of 40% interest around his neck trying to wake Discover-Visa Scrooge saying, "What's in your Wallet?"

    So what choice have you got? 'specially if ya wanna say something about it.  Ya know – be an artist.

    Oh sure, the Powers that be support the arts as long as you are an architect and you are willing to build a new Ivory Tower.

    "Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: The powers that be are ordained of God" (Romans 13:1).

    And depending on your definition of God – it's true.  God is defined by our storytellers.  And where are today's storytellers?  

    TV commercials.  "I have seen the greatest minds of my generation writing ad copy."  

    "I think all that one has to do to really understand Elliot's "The Wasteland" is to watch too much television.  On those night when I drown my sorrows in a beer ad, I think of Elliot of Yates and Molière – what would they have made of it all?  I wonder if they would be today's poets – the ones writing "This Bud's for you, I love you, man, and It don't get no better than this."  Ya, know, the classics.  Or would they be writing the TV shows them selves?

    Would they write "What beast slouches towards Smallville, waiting to be born.*"

    Would they be sitting at the right hand of God.  That's the one where he holds the remote control.  

    Cos, since the moment that God said, "Let there be light."  And he hit the universal remote -- and a little white dot appeared on the giant surround sound television screen in the sky -- and Adam and Eve sat down – in their little fig leaf bathrobes -- on their little Fred Flintstone couches -- watching God's first mini-series called "The Constellations."  Their stories began to unfold.  And,  just like today, they would fall asleep to stories on TV.  And the stories would be IN their dreams.  They would be passed on from generation to generation.  Till somebody comes up with "Dancing with the Stars."

    In fact, "The Stars" were the longest running show in human history - longer than Bonanza – longer than The Guiding Light Itself.  But then it got cancelled  by a new show called "Smog."  

    So now people  go to sleep watching American Idol  where the stories are about PEOPLE becoming "stars."  Why do you think they call them "Stars?"  Hell, there is a whole "Starz" network.

    But our definition of star has become as distorted as our view of the night time sky in downtown Los Angeles.

    Why do you think every body in LA wants to be a star?  'Cos there are no stars.

    But people fall asleep watching that crap – and they dream a retched dream, poorly written, probably medicated, involving a creepy butterfly that flies into your room and takes you to play chess with Abraham Lincoln, a talking Gopher and a mute guy wearing an antique diving belle.  

    You wake up, mid-afternoon literally in a threesome with Bob Barker, Drew Cary and a mysterious stranger shouting "Come on Down!"  

    You discover that Johnson Floor Wax retails for the same amount of money as Jiffy Pop Pop corn and for discovering that iniquitous anomaly you are asked to spin  a giant Catherine Wheel that looks like it may have belonged to Liberace himself–  trying to land on ONE DOLLAR until you figure out that the price is NOT right.

    Even though the price is NOT right – we worship our entertainers and our entertainers stab each other in the back to get jobs on insipid game shows – which is the very definition of "FAMOUS."  

    It is not like the days of the bard – where the wandering minstrel strolled from township to town, encampment to camp fire singing the stories of the village just over there.  Isn't that how The Bible, The Torah, and The Koran were remembered long before they were written down?  Didn't all three of those warn us about worshiping the False American Idol?  

    Today's bard has to be famous to be heard at all.  So, I say, "Fame is for sissies!"  

    Hell, It would be easy to be on the road for twenty years if you were famous.  Doing one night stands.  Adoring idiot fans. Staying in hotel rooms.  Hot showers.  Meals.  

    Try it when you're playing for 9 people passing the hat in a coffee house in North Dakota.  

    It's true with anything you love.  And its not JUST about fame.  You may be the best widget maker in the world but the guy in the assembly line next to you gets the promotion.  And you have to find a way to keep being the best widget maker.  That's hard.

    That's why I gotta keep it on the road.

    That's why I picked ya up.  You gotta get back to her.  Hang on to that.  Sometimes all you get is someone to hold your hand as you walk through time.  Or in your case walk backwards along a Texas back road with your thumb in the air.  And what the hell is time but a Texas back road.  Only if ya got someone to hold your hand, time doesn't end when ya get to the end of the road.  

    Me, I gotta keep her between these white lines or for me, time will end.  But as long as I can keep more in the front windshield than in the rear view this train will remain bound for glory.

    So weather this is a short haul for you, or a long one, we are in this together.  We gotta be.  That's why I am going to get you back to her, and you gotta listen to me ramble.  You got little choice – but I got even less.

    It's the only way were gonna make it.  Me and you.  And all of them, them snobby stars -- they don't know no better, either.  They need us every-bit as we need them.

    ME AND YOU?  We are pack animals.  We need each other to survive.

    Like minnow swimming in a perfect Busby Berkley synchronized pageant.  They do that in order to fool a larger fish into thinking that they – a tiny little minnow are a much larger fish.  

    I think we learned it as cave men looking at the stars.  That big ol heaven lookin' down on us – Ya gotta do something to compete.  Its in our blood, our DNA.  

    Me and you we gotta fool the heavens into thinking we are a lot bigger than we are – or we are going to be eaten alive.  And the only way we can do that is if we work together.


    *from "Those People" by Phil Rocksroh and Chris Chandler from the CD Collaborations


    April  08


    May will be my 20th anniversary of being on the road.  Wow! 20 years.

    13 CDs

    10 tapes

    10 music videos

    and a half dozen books.

    Sounds like a lot?  HA – how about 8 or so years of doing this news letter once a month too!  

    To commemorate the event I am releasing this summer a 20th Anniversary box set!  called Fifty from Twenty.

    50 songs on 4 CDs and a DVD with the best of my finished videos.  

    I am doing this myself – as always on a shoe string.  I am planning on charging 50 bucks for this handsome collection filled with photos from Kerrville, The Oregon Country Fair, School of the Americas Watch, and many more of my regular haunts.

    I anticipate getting this back from the manufacturer  (me!) by June 1.  If you would like to be the first on your block to display such a prestigious memento drop me a line and we will get you hooked up.

    Buy an advance copy by emailing me – we can do it on line or I will give you a snail mail if you prefer


    I can not tell you how much a simple $100 donation would help me out.

    Do that by the end of April and I will get you in the liner notes!


    I am booking dates on the west coast for July through August with Paul Benoit music. If you or someone you know would like to present this show complete with videos in California, Oregon, Washington or British Columbia please let me know soon!

    After that Paul and I are planning on a trip to Europe – so if you know any one that would like to present us there – Also please drop me a line.


    I am starting to work a little more with myspace please drop by link I have videos up there and have been posting this news letter. I have just changed the songs and am open to requests of songs to put up there for download.


    Please check out my Myspace

    Also, the site at You-Tube

    I got real depressed with You – Tube after my video "Something's in the Air" got yanked after it was doing so well. I am just getting around to doing anything with the site. But please stop by and take a look.

    I did put a copy of "Something's in the Air" at

    I have also added a few videos up there or on the video tab at www.chrischandlerorg


    Speaking of videos I am working on a few new projects. The New George Mann video has been posted this month. At a link to his site is


    I am planning on working on a new Anne Feeney video soon. Anne Feeny . com

    Her husband Julie Leonardsson did a terrific job executing my concept for her latest CD "Dump the Bosses off Your Back."


    If you would like to see some of the videos I have made for others please check out>

    If you are interested in having me work on a video for you please drop me a line.


    The new play I am working on will be a multi-media show. I am most excited about working on it. All of the "scenery" will be made with video projection.


    As always feel free to drop me a line.

    THANK YOU for March of 2007

    Paul Benoit, Shirley Myers, Anne Feeney, Jim and Catherine Infantino, Karen Kilroy,  Michelle Sellers, Joe and Jay, Nick Annis, Slamicide, Split This Rock Poetry Festival, Bryan Miller, Brian QTN, Nikki Leeman, Claire, Frank, Karen, and Kevin Chandler.  David and Kristen Chandler, Claire Kathlee and Chandler Murray, Wendy Corn.

    T.H.E. .D.A.T.E.S.


    I am now booking shows across the country from DC to Seattle and on the west coast, England, Ireland, and from Seattle back to DC

    There was a couple of days there when there was not a SINGLE show on my calendar. Wowzers!

    That kinda felt good! Not to worry I am just taking a break as I approach my 20th anniversary of performing practically 24/7/365

    I would really like to pick up two maybe three shows between right now and May 9th in the DC/Balto/Richmond/Philly Region if you have any idea please drop me a line.

    Other than that I am taking some much needed and well deserved time off!

    Friday, May 9th, 2008

    Darlington, MD

    The Ramblewood Resort

    2564 Silver Road

    Saturday, May 10th, 2008

    Darlington, MD

    The Ramblewood Resort

    2564 Silver Road

    Sunday, May 11th, 2008

    Darlington, MD

    The Ramblewood Resort

    2564 Silver Road

    Monday, May 12th, 2008, 8 PM

    Baltimore, MD

    SLAINTE Irish Pub

    1702 Thames St. at Broadway

    June 35- July 2

    Looking for dates anwhere in the middle of the country

    Louisville, Cincinnati, St Louis, Kansas City, Kansas,  Colorado, Utah, Nevada

    I think is the route I want – but I am open to offers!

    With Paul Benoit

    Thursday, July 3rd, 2008

    Quincy, CA

    The High Sierra Music Festival

    204 Fairgrounds Road

    Friday, July 4th, 2008

    Quincy, CA

    The High Sierra Music Festival

    204 Fairgrounds Road

    Saturday, July 5th, 2008

    Quincy, CA

    The High Sierra Music Festival

    204 Fairgrounds Road

    Sunday, July 6th, 2008

    Quincy, CA

    The High Sierra Music Festival

    204 Fairgrounds Road

    I need shows in Northern California or Southern Oregon

    Thursday, July 10th, 2008

    Eugene, OR

    Oregon Country Fair

    Friday, July 11th, 2008

    Eugene, OR

    Oregon Country Fair

    Saturday, July 12th, 2008

    Eugene, OR

    Oregon Country Fair

    Sunday, July 13th, 2008

    Eugene, OR

    Oregon Country Fair

    Wednesday, July 16th, 2008, 8PM

    Eugene, OR

    Sam Bond's Garage

    407 Blair Blvd


    I would like dates in Oregon down to the bay and back here!

    San Francisco, Santa Cruz,

    Saturday, August 9th, 2008

    Vancouver, BC

    Rhizome Cafe

    317 East Broadway

    Sunday, August 10th, 2008, 7:30


    Norway house

    1110 Hillside Avenue


    Bellingham Seattle Port Townsend, Olympia, Chehalis

    Saturday, August 16th, 2008

    Hood River, OR

    Private Party