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The Chris Chandler Show

  • Muse and Whirled Retort Archives 2006

    The Muse and Whirled Retort - June, 2006

    The Muse and Whirled Retort - June, 2006


    - Sunday, June 25, 10:30pm - KPIG, Watsonville, CA - KPIG.COM

    NOTE - time posted was wrong on KPIG interview, it was 10:30am, trying to get an archive copy to post. Sorry for any inconvience. - Karen, Chandler's Publicist

    - Tuesday, July 11, 7pm & 9pm - KAOS 89.3 FM - Radio 8 Ball -


    Don't miss 'em - Midwest & West Coast Summer Tour - here's the schedule - bring yer friendz

    The Muse and Whirled Retort
    June 1, 2006
    Volume VII Issue viii
    Woodstock, NY

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    1. H.O.W. .T.O. .G.E.T. .S.T.U.F.F.

    We have a new DVD available only at shows!  It is what I have always wanted to do.
    It features the new videos – many of which we are projecting as we perform.
    Something's in the Air, St Augustine, Cracker Jack Cure, and many others – very cool!

    The New CD is doing great! by Far the best record I have ever made.
    TO GET THE NEW 2 VOLUME ENHANCED CD SET "American Storyteller:"

    Please check out our three videos at
    Check out: David Roe's site
    Check Out Karen Kilroy's Impeachment Shop
    And now enough of the crass commercial announcements

    1. first – a rare local show in YES! Takoma Park, MD – please come out – make us feel like we have a home!  Then, Look for us in Woodstock, Lawrence, KS, Santa Cruz, San Francesco, Berkeley, Vashon Island, Seattle, Olympia, Eugene, Portland, Vancouver, Bellingham, Victoria, Courtenay, Duncan AND – HEY YOU! We need at least one gig ANYWHERE between Bellingham Washington and Washington, DC in Late July. Boise? The Dakotas? Madison? Chicago? St Louis, Peoria? CAN YOU HELP?

    We are looking forward to returning to some of our favorite Festivals (High Sierra, Oregon Country Fair, and the Islands, X Fest, and Freedom Fest) but are disappointed not to be able to make it to some of our favorites - I will miss you Kerrville, Falcon Ridge and SolarFest - maybe we can come back next year!


    1. and now...

    T.H.E. .M.U.S.E. .A.N.D. .W.H.I.R.L.E.D. .R.E.T.O.R.T.
    The Muse and Whirled Retort
    June 1, 2006
    Volume VII Issue viii
    Woodstock, NY

    Hey everybody,

    It's that time of the month again.

    By the time we got to Woodstock we were…. Hey, there is only 2 of us in this car – but whose counting.  Clearly not the main stream media.  Clearly not Neil Young.  Ya know, Neil – it is not that there are no protest singers – it is there are no outlets for us to be heard.  Not a minor point here.  But, you know, I have been on about that for a long time.  I am just glad that Bush's numbers are now so low – even the country music fans are turning against him – Congratulations Dixie Chicks!  What's next?  I am waiting to see one of those NASCAR drivers with a big peace sign on the hood of his car.  It would really be cool if the car ran on Bio-Diesel.  Willie Nelson's Race Car.

    Magellan proved Copernicus right by circumnavigating the globe.

    Someday someone is going to prove Einstein was right. But to do it we'll have to learn a lot about ….infinity.

    Ya see, Einstein maintained that the universe is round.    He said every straight line in the universe eventually intersects itself. Think about that! The implications are staggering… It would logically follow that Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell will eventually admit that they have always been secretly attracted to each other. Perhaps move to Canada… admit that they've always been… Episcopalians.

    Perhaps this is a good place in the news letter to mention that next Tuesday will be 6-6-6.  

    You too, Heard the rooster crow, at the brink of kingdom come
    But you rolled over and mashed the snooze button, and we slept through Armageddon.

    But Armageddon might be a good night for you and I to go out
    We could have an intimate evening – we're sure to avoid the crowds

    If everyone is raptured up to heaven – we could get good seats in the theatre they say – It's like when ya don't like football and It's Superbowl Sunday."
    (from "No one I could talk about this With" Collaborations Chandler Rockstroh/Catie Curtis)

    Anyway – who has time for all this Armageddon stuff – hell, who has time for anything these days?  I am too busy trying to make the minimum payments on my credit card to pay for the time saving devices I keep buying (like this computer I am typing this letter on) in order to gain a little more time.)

    Did you know that there are computers that do nothing all day but try to count to infinity?  I read about it in the paper.  But now, Computers count in base 2 – 1 0 100 101 – we count base ten – because we have ten fingers.

    The Mayans - they counted in base 20 - they wore no shoes. (Really.)

    But, I was thinking… since the Count on Sesame Street only has 4 fingers -
    shouldn't he be counting in base eight?

    Me, I count base 11 – but only when I have my hands in my pockets.

    In the end, there are ten types of people in the world – those who know binary and those who don't.

    Usually only about eleven in ten-thousand people get that joke

    Anyway, the way I see it –  if the universe is round then infinity is just one
    digit shy of nothing.

    The bible had a little run in with infinity that seems to confirm this

    Weren't the architects working on the tower of Babel trying to reach the
    infinite?  Shouldn't the subcontractors have realized the problem with this project?  

    Ya get too close to infinity and poof – you're back to zero.

    Ya get too close to heaven - and ¡poof! you find yourself speaking
    Spanish in a Chi Chi's in Dubuque, Iowa - trying to order "Pollo
    Guadalajara" and having a teenager in a polyester uniform asking - "¿ya want that with beef or chicken?"

    As for me -- I went for years thinking Taco Bell was the Mexican phone

    So one day one of these computers counting to infinity is going to
    spit out that the next number in succession is zero?

    It's only a matter of time… Which will prove that infinity is just one digit less than zero?

    So I can tell the bank – "hey! I am not four-hundred-seventy-eight
    dollars overdrawn -  I have nearly 500 bucks more than infinity"- Ok, you might not be buying it yet, but I convinced a half dozen accountants at Arthur Andersen.

    And the bank officer who is going to approve my loan for a new Cadillac.
    Yes friends now I can simply back my way into the two car garage of heaven...

    Only I find that Satan has his SUV parked on the other side.  It's a Ford
    Explorer with Firestone tires and a bumper sticker that reads - "This Machine Kills Fascists."

    Anyway - the point I am trying to make here is that if I sit around and
    count my blessings - and my blessings are infinite - will I one day discover
    that I have none?

    Seems we are always trying to reach perfection - like infinity. Throughout
    human history – some new invention comes along that changes us for ever - the wheel,  the printing press, the Lay-Z Boy.

    Civilization is changed until we have only vague stories of the past.

    "Grandpa - tell me what it was like before Iraq became the 53rd state?"

    Civilizations do expand - until they bump into others - also striving
    for their own sense of perfection.  

    Manifest Destiny.   One  man's Destiny is another man's chapter 11.  


    Perhaps it is our flaws that keep us in balance.

    Maybe we could perceive each others' "flaws" as assets.

    Maybe we would see the kingdom of heaven that is indeed spread out
    before us.

    And, if we don't see it - there will be no heaven - for there will be no

    For eternity

    See ya out on the road – it goes on forever ya, know.
    Here's the announcements:
    As many of you know I am one of the production managers at an annual demonstration at Ft Benning Georgia to close down the school of the Americas.  (for more info on what that is

    Well, we may be getting our wish. (really)  
    I am optimistic – but really I don't know why.  Last time we got Congress to stop funding this EVIL training ground for War lords in South and Central America they Just Renamed the thing an hour later and it was right back to full funding.  (really!)
    Anyway: here is the skinny:  .
    National Call-in Days to Close the SOA/WHINSEC

    Tuesday, June 6 and Wednesday, June 7:
    Call Congress at 202-224-3121 or toll free at 888-355-3588.
    Please take the time to call the DC office of your Representative through the Capitol Hill Switchboard at 202-224-3121 or toll free at 1-888-355-3588. Ask to speak with the foreign affairs legislative assistant. Here is a suggested message for you to convey:
    "I am calling Congressman/woman ________ to urge him/her to vote YES on the McGovern amendment to the Foreign Operations Appropriations bill. This amendment is a cut in funding for the School of the Americas/ WHINSEC. New information indicates that WHINSEC has allowed known human rights abusers to instruct and receive training at the school. Argentina and Uruguay are two more countries that have made public announcements they will no longer send students to the school, citing the negative image and history of this institution. Voting YES on this amendment sends a positive human rights message to Latin America and will help to improve the U.S. image abroad. As an elected official in Washington D.C., I hope you will represent me and vote YES on any amendment in the House that would cut funding for the school."

    We are booking the fall.
    Got any ideas? Have a group that would like to bring this KICK ASS show to your event?

    Check out this new video.
    (requires Windows Media Player)

    I rediscovered this poem by WH Auden shortly after 9-11 - as it was circulated widely on the internet. D. R. and I recoded it for The American Storyteller Album:

    I am excited about this one - because I actually shot about 80% of it.

    If you can't play Windows media player files, check back later in the month for other versions.


    We are looking for a date in Oh say, St Louis or Kansas City or somewhere midwestish on June 22 and or June 23 as well as July 26 or 27.

    That is a pretty big area - Madison??? You out there?


    I am have finished the new David Rovics DVD including 5 music videos I made for him in the past few months.  it will be released in September – Sorry we are keeping it under wraps till then.