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The Chris Chandler Show

  • Muse and Whirled Retort Archives 2006

    The Muse and Whirled Retort - October, 2006

    chandler - the website

    October 5, 2006

    Volume VIII Issue i The 8th Anniversary of the Muse and Whirled Retort!!!


    BRAND NEW 10/2006:




    Chris Chandler: American Storyteller

    Chris Chandler: Collaborations


    View The Chris Chandler and David Roe Show's EPKView The Chris Chandler and David Roe Show's EPK


    Washington, DC

    T.A.B.L.E. .O.F. .C.O.N.T.E.N.T.S.


    1. Subscription stuff
    2. How to get stuff
    3. Greetings and quick run down of recent past and the near future
    4. The Muse and Whirled Retort
    5. Announcements
    6. FLASH!!! A new section simply called "Thank You!"
    7. The DR is in
    8. Dates


    1. To subscribe (I ONLY BOTHER YOU ONCE A MONTH) click:

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    1. H.O.W. .T.O. .G.E.T. .S.T.U.F.F.  
    TO GET THE NEW 2 VOLUME ENHANCED CD SET "American Storyteller:"

    Coming soon to CD Baby "American Storyteller" The DVD

    Please check out our videos at

    Check out: David Roe's site

    Enough of the crass commercial announcements. Lets get to the news.


    1. Welcome to the news letter - It's that time of the month again...  Can you believe it?  I have been putting out this news letter every month for 8 years!  I want to start this little intro section with an apology to those of you In New Orleans, Baton Rouge, Houston, South Padre Island, Austin and beyond.  We just HAD to cancel.  Our anchor job fell through and we JUST did not have enough work to make it happen.  I am sorry for any inconvenience.  

    The good news is - we are taking this time off to make a new record.  American Storyteller Vols III and IV.  If you have any requests please let us know.  Also, if you would like to help us by buying an advance copy of the CD just click here, make sure you put your address and well see to it you get a copy as soon as the ink on the cover is dry: Get your  


    Also, If you would like to help us - especially since we are not on the road making money and are instead spending money to make this CD

    A contribution of $100 will get you listed in the liner notes!  WOO HOO.  OH, we accept anonymous donations as well in our Tip Jar:



    1. And now...
    T.H.E. .M.U.S.E. .A.N.D. .W.H.I.R.L.E.D. .R.E.T.O.R.T.

    The Muse and Whirled Retort

    October, 2006

    Volume VIII Issue i

    Washington, DC  

    In the United States of America in 2006, at a major tourist destination, a 1994 Ford Escort pulls up and is surrounded by young brown skinned children begging for money for food.  They mean it.  It seems more like pictures I have seen in Calcutta or Bangladesh.  They try to sell us crafts they made them selves made of popsicle sticks and yarn.  Their parents are huddled in a dusty corner of the gravel parking lot encouraging them. The relentless sun beats down.  It has come to this.  They know their kids are much less likely to return empty handed than they.  It is their income.  As children, the parents had done the same.

    The thing is, this is not the Gulf Coast of Mississippi, or Watts or rural Arkansas, or Detroit or across the Rio Grande from El Paso into Juarez or even Calcutta or Bangladesh.  This is one of the most famous places in America - a name on the tip of our tongues since we were in grade school.    

    It is a major national monument.  It is less than an hours drive from the Egyptian-Ramses-esque  monuments of Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln and the Pharoah who commissioned it: Teddy Roosevelt.

    When friends visit me here in Washington, DC, inevitably they want to spend at least one day seeing the 'tourist' sites.  Of course my idea of the sites and their's are very different.  I take them to the Willard Hotel, the C&O Canal, or the Hinckley Hotel (OK it is a Hilton, but every one in DC calls it the Hinckley) or to one of the many sites where Indian Chiefs had visited American presidents from Washington himself to well, Teddy Roosevelt.  Many, upon visiting, were exposed to diseases for which they had no immunity and died.   In all thirty-one Indian Chiefs are buried in Washington, DC - more than the number of American presidents.   Inevitably, my friends tire of my guided tour and long to see the ones that are in the post cards.  I take them to my favorite of the well known monuments: The Lincoln.  If you have never seen it in person - do.  Go at night.  Be quiet.  Feel it.

    Having just had the experience I had in South Dakota - I look to Lincoln and think of March of '63 when all was not well in this country.  It was then that a delegation of sixteen Native American Chiefs made the same trek across the country that I have just made.  Mine took a day or two, sailing upon great asphalt rivers, listening to John Trudell on Sirius Satellite. Their's took months on horseback and river boat and locomotive.  We both, in very different ways and for very different reasons, came to visit Lincoln.  

    In March of 1863 all was not well in this country.   The Union had suffered a terrible defeat at Fredericksburg.  Lincoln had just enacted the first Draft in American History which culminated in the worst race riot in American history, in New York City.  But that is a different story.  In short, the Union was losing the war.  

    The Indians, led by Yellow Wolf of the Kiowa and Lean Bear of the Cheyenne as well as delegates from the Comanche, Arapaho and Caddo, did not know this, but it was feared the Confederates were making allegiances with the Southern Indians.  It was also believed that an elaborate show of pomp and circumstance would ally the Indians with the Union.  They were taken on grand tours of Washington, DC, where they met with the President and, of course, shown the huge Arsenal that was - and still is - The United States.  

    It was working, when Yellow Wolf suddenly fell ill of Pneumonia and died.  He was buried with full military honors as a head of state.  America has always been good at such symbolic gestures.  Forty Acres and a Mule, Remember the Maine, Martin Luther King Day, Mission Accomplished.  

    His tribesman insisted he be buried with the Medal of Peace presented to his tribe by Thomas Jefferson via Lewis and Clarke.  They had helped the first white men only a few decades before, and had brought the medal with him on his journey because they were told it would award them safe passage.    

    His death received great attention in the press where it was reported that on his death bed, Yellow Wolf's last words were "to tell his people to live at peace with the pale face."  

    The delegation returned to their native lands having pledged their allegiance to the Union not the Confederacy.  They believed that in doing so, they had achieved peace, and that massacres like the one in Minnesota a year earlier would no longer happen.

    When Lean Bear left the East, he was sporting an authentic chain maille outfit from the thirteenth century obtained from PT Barnum in exchange for allowing himself to be a curiosity in the "Greatest Show on Earth."  He boasted that the white man was at war with himself and, "they would soon kill one another and the Indian would be able to take his country back by next spring."  

    However, before the delegation had even arrived, the United States had passed the Homestead Act, giving away native lands to anyone who would settle it.  

    The iron horse whinnied as it neared the station in Kansas City.  Great bursts of steam and blackened coal erupted from its fiery nostrils as it's gallop was reduced to a trot.  He had noticed the Ohio country side was bare and Buffalo herds were thinner than he had ever seen.  He feared for his people still many horizons away. As the iron horse paused for watering Lean Bear was shocked to witness hundreds of Buffalo heads mounted on plaques for sale at the station which operated its own taxidermy shop.  The planners of the trip had been careful to avoid such sights en route to Washington but seemed to forget on the way back.    

    The Native Americans, it seems, too had manifest destiny - which when translated into Kiowa and back means "The future is obvious."  

    Back with the Cheyenne in Colorado, he found anti-Indian sentiment at an all time high.  Government supplies they had been promised for remaining on a reservation were not delivered.  Hungry and in search of food, Lean Bear and about 200 Cheyenne were looking for Buffalo when they were stopped by 50 Colorado Troopers armed with new weapons made possible by the Civil War.  Reportedly, two hundred head of cattle had been stolen by someone, somewhere and these hungry Indians must be to blame.  As Lean Bear and his son rode ahead to approach the Troopers, he waved in the air his papers pledging peace and signed by Abraham Lincoln.  They were shot off their horses and then shot again.  When his body was examined he was also holding the Medal awarded him by and bearing the likeness of Abraham Lincoln.  

    The rest of the 200 in his party managed to escape, but only for a few days.  They were tracked by some 700 volunteers and massacred in the middle of the night including others from the 16 member delegation.  Within a decade all would be killed.  

    At the battle of Adobe Walls in 1874 a Kiowa Indian was killed wearing an authentic chain maille uniform from the thirteenth century.  

    With the Southern Plains Indians defeated, the army could concentrate on the Northern Plains. The Southern Plains Indians were forced to immigrate to St Augustine, Florida where they would serve out the remainder of their days locked in the oldest European settlement in North America - the Spanish fort at St Augustine.  But that is a different story.  As for the Northern Plains Indians, their fate was not much different.  

    The 1994 Ford Escort pulls away from the national monument in South Dakota.  As we head for the interstate we notice the sign directing traffic towards the site has been neatly altered to change the words from "National Monument: The Battle of Wounded Knee" to "National Monument: The Massacre of Wounded Knee."  But that too is a different story.  

    We hit the entrance ramp to a highway built less than a lifetime after last remaining Indians - not born on a reservation - were mowed down with machine guns by the United States Army.  

    We crossed the country to Lewisburg, Pennsylvania to see the federal Prison where Leonard Peltier is still in prison.  But that too, is a different story.


    The Announcements  



    my former writing partner - has a couple of ne pieces on line you should check out:

    Phil is an amazing writer and I wouldn't suggest you check them out if I didn't mean it.  He cowrote many of the pieces in our repertoire.


    We have just started working on a second album.  It is expensive. And while we are working on it we will not be MAKING money.  Any donations in the tip jar would help tremendously! (see the top of this page)


    Congratulations to Alica and Ed - wish I could be there on the ranch - I bet you have the coolest wedding ever!  


    Many apologies to those of you in Louisiana, Texas, Arkansas, Missouir, Ohio, and Kentucky who were hoping for dates.  I am SOOOO sorry we had to cancel.


    We are planning an extensive west coast trip and are looking for dates. See below for details.


    T.H.A.N.K. .Y.O.U. Dan Bern, Garrin Benfield, Paul Kuhn, Jammin Java, Huey, The Brindley Brothers,  David Eisner,  The Evening Muse, Eddie Owen, Bob at Eddie's Attic, Kodac Harrison, The Grey Eagle, David LaMotte, Fishman, My mother, Shirley, Dewey Biggs, The Music City Brass, Tim Paco, Chat, Phil and Angie, Wendy Corn, Beth Cubbage, Andrea at Verizon, Atmo, Pat Barnes, Henry Cross, The Philly Song Shuffle, Eric Schwartz, Camp Democracy, Alex, Carlos and Melida Arredondo, Barbra and Grahm Dean, John Flynn, Herman J Viola, Barry Bacharach,    


    1. T.H.E. .D.R. .I.S. ..I.N. FROM THE DOCTOR
    New Sounds on the Royal Rounder's site- check out the mp3s at

    This summer, I helped Nick Newlin and Joanne Flynne produce their first

    musical album- mostly for children, but adults will like it too.

    The album should be available soon at

    Joanne plays tabor and drums and musical saw. Nick sings, along with his

    sister Eliza, and plays piano and accordion. I play guitar, jews harp and

    tambourine and add vocals. Give a listen:

    And while you are there, listen to one cut from the Music City Brass' new

    album, produced by yours truly and featuring Tim

    Paco on Sousaphone, and me on piano and drums. Its going to be a fun

    Dixieland album.

    Speaking of Paco, he and I will join the Rounders in Deadwood SD again

    this year for Mardi Gras weekend.

    And, while we are on the subject of Mardi Gras, Laura and I will be

    reigning royalty as the Krewe of WooHoo! takes to the streets Mardi Gras

    Day. I hope you will join us.

    N.O.W. .H.E.R.E.S. .D.A. .D.A.T.E.S.