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The Chris Chandler Show

  • Muse and Whirled Retort Archives 2004

    The Muse and Whirled Retort May 2004

    The Muse and Whirled Retort May 2004
    T h e   M u s e   a n d   W h i r l e d   R e t o r t

    MAY 2004

    Volume 5 isse 8

    Washington, DC

    Hey Everybody,

    It's well... past that time of the month already and this will be a short one. Not that I don't have tons to talk about--it's just that time is short... Actually, time is the same as it has been since it was conceived of, but hey - what I'm trying to say here is - I'm busy.

    If life were easy, everybody would be having one. The big news this month is Anne Feeney's stunning performance at the March for Women's Lives! WOW! A million and a half people!  And that's just the ones who raised their hands when they did the head count.  Some of them had to be in the bathroom at the time.  I have never seen so manyJohnny-On-The-Spots.

    What a thrill it was to see Anne's smiling face on the Jumbotron where it belongs.  If you would like to read her account of how it all went down  just click on

    So what's goin' on out there?

    I see the Iraqi Governing Council (AKA: The Council on creating the 51st state) took a cue from my home state of Georgia and proposed a new flag.   (Georgia has changed her flags so many times in the past few years, you'd think we belonged to the former Soviet Union, not the former Confederacy.)

    But frankly, I think this whole Iraqi flag thing is a ploy for a new theme park--they will change it a few more times before it is over just so we can open Six  Flags Over Fallujah.

    And what is with the Israeli-colored symbol?  Hell, it's been 15 years since I went to art school, but I coulda predicted that one.  Did they hold a contest? Is there a pack of matches out there that says "Can you draw this flag?"

    I think as part of the new West Bank settlement agreement, the Israelis should agree to fly a flag with a crescent moon.  Maybe a hammer and sickle, an upside-down pentagram, Mickey Mouse ears......Hell, why not just be honest and emblazon the Halliburton logo across the damn thing?

    What were they thinking?

    I have an idea - let's torture the private citizenry (AKA detainees) on national television (I am waiting for fear factor Iraq myself) and then change the flag so they can rally behind the old one.

    And where is our new (clear throat) hero: John Kerry?  Why can't he go out on the white house lawn with a metal detector, find his old medals, pin em to his chest and say, "We made a big mistake here - you can have your country back. Sorry about that, I mean Sadam was a bastard and all - but he's been arrested now - and you can try him.  But do us a favor, since he's libel to talk during his trial about his real relationship with us - could ya have his trial at the same time as say - Michael Jackson?"

    But anyway, I'll just wrap it up here--and say Anne and I plan to be at Kerrville and the OregonCountry Fair as usual, as well as High Sierra and the School of the Americas Watch.  But if you wantto book a show with us, you need to do it soon!

    I am working on a new show with a new musical partner, Joana Smith.  She is from Boston, a Kerrville New Folk finalist, and a major talent.  Thank you to all of you who wrote to me asking about future projects.Joana volunteered to try and fill Anne's tremendous shoes ("It takes a five-dollar foot to fill her shoes lord lord--and I ain't gonna be treated this a-way").

    She wrote to me claiming to already own all my albums.  My mother doesn't even own all my albums. Hell, I don't even own them all! She started saying she wanted to do songs like "Embryonic Citizenship" and "Republican Woodstock" ("By the time we got to Riyadh we were half a million strong"--that line, of course was written for Oil War I.  It's kind of funny: If the first oil war was Republican Woodstock, then the second one seems to be the Woodstock Reunion...  but I digress.)

    I figured just because she knew those titles deserved a trip to Boston  and when I got there she already had half my repertoire memorized.  How could I say no?We gave our act a test flight at Capo's in Lowell with my good friend Jim Infantino and plan to debut it down in DC at the Electric Maid. click here

    You see, I am now renting some [clear throat] office space in thePeople's Republic of Takoma Park in a new arts space called  yes  the Electric Maid. When the cosmic Rubik/s Cube twisted and it turned out Joanna would be down in DC, I figured, Why not have an office warming/new show debut? So that's what we're doing!