Skip to main content

The Chris Chandler Show

  • Muse and Whirled Retort Archives 2004

    The Muse and Whirle Retort April 2004

    The Muse and Whirle Retort April 2004
    The Muse and Whirled Retort

    Volume 5 Issue 8

    Washington, DC


    It's that time of the month again. This month's newsletter is brought to you by the number 4.  After all, it is 4-4-4. How often does that happen?  It is also 4 in the morning - only it's really 5, cause we were supposed to change our clocks - the way we did with our calendars when George Bush became president. OK, everybody, let's flip our calendars back to the thirteenth century.

    Speaking of the number 4 and calendars - four is the number of years Anne Feeney and I have worked together - which is longer than I have worked with any other musician.  She came down to Florida, where I was living, as the last of the dangling chads were being counted.  I can't think of anyone I would have rather spent the Bush years with.  

    But as Anne has been granted a new lease on life - the confetti is still falling from her fabulous prognosis - she has decided to pursue other options.  This summer will be our last West Coast tour together, the rally to close the School of the Americas our last show. December of  2000 through November of 2004.  Four years.

    So I will be looking for my fourth musical partner and will also be doing some solo shows in the near future.  If any of you have any thoughts on this or want to volunteer - please drop me a line.  

    Also, if you were thinking about booking Anne and me as a duo - do so FOURthwith.

    For we are looking FOURward.

    Yes, the number 4...

    The first non-prime number (unless you count - well... negative 4).  It is not only 2   2 but it is also 2 x 2, and only the elephant has four knees (really).  The count on Sesame Street has only four fingers - which continues to confuse me.

    The number 4 has been very good to us.

    The Fab Four, four-letter words, four-wheel drive, four on the floor, the Final Four, the four seasons. (Kinda scary when ya put those two together, huh?)

    The four corners of the Earth, four bits, four-color printing, the four spiritual laws, a four-poster bed, foreplay, next year's Superbowl® halftime show: a foursome with Britney Spears, Madonna, Paris Hilton, and Janet Jackson.  Foreskin.

    Four of a kind, the four-leaf clover, foursquare, the Fourth of July, "Four score and seven years ago today, our forefathers..." Hey, wait a second... I'm from the South and all, but even I didn't have four fathers...

    The Gang of Four, four walls, the fourth dimension, four eyes  (There is a business that peppers the strip malls of fat America that sells eyewear, called "For Eyes." Can you imagine working there and having to answer the phone with an insult to your customers?  "Hello, FOUR EYES.")

    Four-legged animals, the four elements, the four directions, the four evangelists - Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse - Condoleezza, Colin, Donald, and John. (Dick and George aren't really horsemen. George is from Texas but can't ride a horse. Cheney is Satan, and George is Satan's little helper.)

    Nonetheless, I say: Vote for Bush and Cheney -- why change horsemen mid-apocalypse?

    After all, four is the number of years George Bush will be in office. Also, it is the number of years his daddy was in office.  That reminds me... The only other father/son president team - the Adams Family - had the same name, separated by an odd letter (George Bush and George W Bush, John Adams and John Q Adams). The father was elected in one century, the son in the next. They were both separated by Jeffersons (Thomas Jefferson and William Jefferson Clinton), but most important, they are both one termers!!

    Yet I have a foreboding forecast that if we do not fordo Bush's force, the United States will be foreclosed.

    We have already forfeited the rights our forefathers gave to us.

    So, I forewarn: If we do not fortify our ranks and form a forward forum, we will keep getting fornicated, forever. I foretell it!

    This fourth day of the fourth month of the fourth year.

    This newsletter has been brought to you by the number four.

    May the fourth be with you.