The Chris Chandler Show

  • Muse and Whirled Retort Archives 2008

    The Muse and Whirled Retort June 2008

    The Muse and Whirled Retort June 2008

    The New Box Set will be here any second now!

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    Hi Everybody,
    It's that time of the month again.
    It has been a rough month here in Chandler land:  The Kerrville Folk Festival, and lots of stuff in the life of my family.  The long and short of which is I am going to go into the archives and give you an old one.  Considering I am releasing my 20th Anniverery Box Set this month – it kind of feels appropriate. This one is on it performed in with Anne Feeney.  It was written six years ago this month in the post 9-11 daze.

    Lots of things going on in the world and with this show:  
    1. The Summer Tour with Paul Benoit including stops at The High Sierra Music Festival, and The Oregon Country Fair --- we really need some help filling in some dates here – see calendar below to see how you could help.
    2. The New 20th Anniversary Box Set  it should be out soon! Click on the "new release icon" for details of what's on it or the announcements for details of how it is coming along.
    3. The New One Act Play.  Paul and I will be doing a little trial run of a few monologues on this tour.  To read about that click on the announcements sidebar.
    4. If you are in the Atlanta area (or even the south east) and have a line on a cheap automobile – I am in the market.

    Till then, I will see you on the road.

    .M.U.S.E. .A.N.D. .W.H.I.R.L.E.D. .R.E.T.O.R.T.
    By Chris Chandler
    Vol  IX issue vii
    June 8, 2008
    Stone Mtn, GA

    Twenty-First Century Skid Row Man

    And there I was thinkin' that the 20th century was never going to leave!  

    He'd been hangin round my house – sleepin on my couch, puttering round my living room in his socks like Ozzie Osbourne, nothin' to say, burnt out, still an oil junkie, re livin his past glory - small dogs soiling the carpet…

    But then the 21st century flew aboard 4 airplanes right into my living room…

    All the Pundits claimed that we had changed – but I want to know just how is it that we have changed?  

    Remember when all the pundits said we Americans would never go back to our reality show lives – that the endless imagery of the twin towers falling would make us think reality itself was a good enough show -- and that Survivor would not survive -- and there would be an end to shows like American Idol, Real World, and Who Wants to Marry a Republican.

    We have NOT changed…

    …Even the American flags that once flew tattered on the antenna of gas-guzzlers have finally blown threadbare.  

    New ones are consigned to the ½ off bin at Wal-Mart and so called reality shows that depict a reality that I couldn't hallucinate even during my drug days are more popular than an Ecstasy and Viagra cocktail in a techno dance club.

    But, there was that moment that we all keep reliving: when the 20th century had indeed left the house.  And in that moment, as the door shut behind him, I believed the phoenix that we all knew would arise from the ashes of the 20th century might turn out to be a dove.

    Then we saw L'il W on the white house lawn, spatula in hand, standin in front of a George Foreman grill, … serving up fillet of dove, and dove Mc Nuggets.

    And in that moment, I knew the 20th century hadn't left for good – No, Ozzie Osborn had just stepped out for a pack of cigarettes and he was back – in my living room!  On a fresh oil jag –

    And he plops down on the couch – flips on the war - like on NFL game day
    – puts on a red white and blue Patriots jersey -- bowl of chips in his lap, George still grilling dove in the yard – Ozzie slammin an oil can down on the coffee table – shoutin, "USA USA USA" as the bombs begin to fall.

    I think back to 9-11 and of the Pundits asking for that moment of silence. Every time I see the bombs falling – every time I hear those chants of "USA USA,"

    I wish SOMEONE would ask for another moment of silence, a year of silence, a millennium of silence.

    But no one does.  

    And I realize that what they were really asking for with their moments of silence was for ME to be… well… silent.

    And I was…  well, as silent as I could be…as we bombed mud huts into the stone age.  Giving birth to ten thousand more terrorists with each bomb that falls.

    "We'll prove Iran has the bomb – if we have to plant it on them ourselves."

    Oh, what was it that PT Barnum said, "There is an American born every minute?"

    I envision a new reality show – one much more wholesome – perhaps it should be shot in black and white.  It features George Senior, not Ozzie Osborn, puttering around the summer house in Kennebunkport - like Fred Mc Murray - wearing a cardigan muttering to himself what to do about those pesky kids: Neal and Jeb and Little George. We'll call it My Three Sons.

    Barbara, baking cookies in a Martha Stewart apron.  Still feeling arrogant because she got HER picture on the one-dollar bill.

    Millie is doing her doodie on rug.

    Jeb calls up and asks, "Daddy, if we introduce democracy into Iraq, does that mean Florida might be next?"

    Lil George comes over for his Social studies lesson – and he asks his son – "Who was the 1st president of the united states?"

    George gets that confused look in his eye – that we have all grown to know and love and dad says, "I'll give you a hint – there is a picture on the one dollar bill."

    George smiles and says, "Mommy?"

    Then dad brings out the globe and tries to show him the difference between the Persian Gulf and the Persian cat – and he shows him the fertile land between the Tigras and Euphrates – the very cradle of civilization – and Little George  gets a lump in his throat – he realizes the implications and announces, "That's where the bombing begins!"

    Sometimes listening to George Bush is like reading the first chapter of Genesis in reverse.  I mean I know he has dyslexia and all…

    "And in the end – the world was a shapeless chaotic mass."

    No No No, George, "In the beginning – the BEGINNING!"

    Is it any wonder why – in that region – as civilization was in its infancy
    human beings wandering aimlessly through the desert – that they found their liberation their salvation, their hope – in a burning… Bush?


    First, my mother is not doing well so I felt I needed to cancel much of June.  My apologies to those of you that were expecting shows from me.  Many thanks to those who have filled in for me.
    1. The Summer Tour with Paul Benoit
    As it stands right now I am going to be driving from Atlanta to home to Washington, DC and then across the country to meet Paul in Eugene, OR on July 1st.

    We will work together on the west coast from Santa Cruz to Vancouver from July 1st to August 16th.  Then I will drive back across the country to DC.

    I need to pick up some sort of shows anywhere between DC and Eugene from June 25 to July 1.  With gas prices as they are – even though I am in a 96 Saturn Station Wagon – the gas is going to be tough.  

    Paul and I will have a stellar show on the road from July 1 to August 16.  Please look at the calendar to see where we are and if you see a hole in the calendar you can think of a place to play or would  to present us – or throw a house concert – we promise a tremendous show.
    1. The New 20th Anniversary Box Set  it should be out soon! Click on the "new release icon" for details of what's on it or the announcements for details of how it is coming along.

    It is a four CD and one DVD set.  It features songs from each of the thirteen CDs and many of the tapes I have released over the past 20 years.

    50 songs for 50 bucks   SEVERAL Bonus videos on the DVD.  


    It is interactive – with lots of extra features and art work if you put the CD in your computer.


    It will also be available on a memory stick or Flash Drive.


    Can't afford 50 bucks?  (I know I couldn't)  The CDs are available individually. 1 for $15 – 2 for $29 – 3 for $30 or 4 for $40 with the individual DVD for $20.

    The box set comes in a handsome package with a nice booklet complete with comments about each of the 50 numbers.

    I still haven't gotten it back from the manufacturer yet – but should real soon!

    It will be available at shows as well as  
    1. The New One Act Play.  
    The play is coming along and I am aiming at the fall of 09 to launch it.  It will have video scenery – and my friend Wendy Corn and I just went out to rural Texas and shot much of it.  It is looking very cool!  I am most excited about this project.  If you know of a theatre that would be interested in presenting a 2 act 1 man play please let me know.

    Working title: "…and I Ain't Gonna be Treated This A-Way"
    1. It was terrific to be able to be at the Kerrville Folk Festival for a few days.  I can't think of a better place to base while making the film section of this multi media spectacle.
    2. George Murray of Kent, OH who played the part of the Dutchman in the film Cracker Jack Cure passed away this month.  I have dedicated to the DVD in the box set to his memory..

    Brian QTN, Anne Feeney, Wendy Corn, Shirley Shultz Myers, Tim Mason, Shannon Flattery, Tom, Brad, and all of Camp CALM, Motorcycle Michael, Joe Netter, Fishman, Frank Nesbet, SONiA, Terry Irons, SMAF, David Moriale, Stephanie Corby, Courtney, X-treme Folk Festival, Dalis Allen, Patty Peeples, Kevin Chandler, Claire Chandler, Frank and Dorothy Chandler, Karen and Alan Murray,  Joe and Jay, Event EQ and Pat Barnes.

    D.A. ..D.A.T.E.S.

    Saturday, June 14th, 2008, 5:15pm
    Telford, PA
    X-Fest (country creek winery)
    133 Cressman Road
    973 809 1930

    I need a show somewhere in the middle of the country June 28 29 30

    Thursday, July 3rd, 2008
    Quincy, CA
    The High Sierra Music Festival
    204 Fairgrounds Road

    Friday, July 4th, 2008
    Quincy, CA
    The High Sierra Music Festival
    204 Fairgrounds Road

    Saturday, July 5th, 2008
    Quincy, CA
    The High Sierra Music Festival
    204 Fairgrounds Road

    Sunday, July 6th, 2008
    Quincy, CA
    The High Sierra Music Festival
    204 Fairgrounds Road

    Paul and I need a show ANYWHERE from High Sierra to Eugene here!

    Thursday, July 10th, 2008
    Eugene, OR
    Oregon Country Fair

    Friday, July 11th, 2008, 2:00 PM
    Eugene, OR
    Oregon Country Fair

    Saturday, July 12th, 2008, 1:45 PM
    Eugene, OR
    Oregon Country Fair

    Sunday, July 13th, 2008, 12:10 PM
    Eugene, OR
    Oregon Country Fair

    Tuesday, July 15th, 2008, 7:30 PM
    Ashland, OR
    House Concert
    RSVP Tina @ 510 290 2725

    Wednesday, July 16th, 2008, 8PM
    Eugene, OR
    Sam Bond's Garage
    407 Blair Blvd

    Thursday, July 17th, 2008, 9pm - 12:30am
    Portland, OR
    Mississippi Pizza
    3552 N Mississippi Ave
    (503) 288-3231

    Friday, July 18th, 2008, 7:00 PM
    Estacada, OR
    The Public Library
    825 NW Wade St

    Saturday, July 19th, 2008, 7:30 PM
    North Bend, OR
    Collett''s Good Food Hungry Minds
    3229 Broadway
    541 751 1475

    Sunday, July 20th, 2008, 6:30 PM
    Florenace , OR
    Siuslaw Valley Library - Bromley Room
    1460 9th St (At Maple)
    541 997 3132

    Paul and I need a show ANYWHERE from Eugene to Santa Cruz Here

    ANYTHING in the Bay Area Thursday 24 Friday 25 or Saturday 26

    Monday, July 28th, 2008, 8pm
    Downtown Felton, CA
    Don Quixote's International Music Hall
    6275 Highway 9

    We need shows anywhere in Northern, CA or Oregon July 29 30 August 1 2 3
    And that is a weekend folks!

    Tuesday, August 5th, 2008, 6:30
    Bandon, OR
    Bates House
    rsvp to web site

    Thursday, August 7th, 2008, 7:00 PM
    Tacoma, WA.
    3709 6th Avenue
    253-761-Rose ( 7673 )

    Friday, August 8th, 2008
    Seattle, WA
    The Mix AKA The Christoff Gallery
    6004 12th Ave S # 17
    206 767 0280

    Saturday, August 9th, 2008
    Vancouver, BC
    Rhizome Cafe
    317 East Broadway

    Sunday, August 10th, 2008, 7:30
    Norway house
    1110 Hillside Avenue

    Tuesday, August 12th
    Port Townsend, WA


    Thursday August 17th
    Friday August 16th Portland Oregon TBA

    Saturday, August 16th, 2008
    Hood River, OR
    Private Party

    I need any kind of sow from here to Washington, DC
    I have a tentative date in Carbondale Il on the next weekend.

    Sunday, September 14th, 2008
    Takoma Park
    Takoma Park Folk Festival
    Takoma Park Middle School

    updated: 14 years ago